I watched Tina as we drove back to Helena’s in silence. The doctor had tried to persuade me to not drive for the next few months, to avoid further injury. But me being stubborn wanted this moment to be just mine and Tina’s and that alone.

Tina sat with her fingers delicately interlocking within one another on her lap. The bump placed a firm distinctive positioning and I couldn’t help but smile that our baby girl was growing inside.

It was a sweet torture to my soul as I sat close enough to feel invited but pushed to the edge to know where I stand. The silence that lingered in the warm summer mist was undeniable even to me. I focused my eyes on the roads, trying to reassure myself that I could do this on my own.

I’ve never liked to burden Tina with my worries or concerns; for her to see me completely without a facade. The next 4months would be trying times for both of us, for me trying to see where I fit in. I’m not truly sure where Tina wants me to fit into this scenario, will she change her mind when she’s born?

I shake my head, as if to shake the underlying thoughts from my mind. Right now I didn’t want to focus solely on the negative but rejoice in the positivity that surrounded us both.

“Bette I know you’re scared as am I, but I’m here for you as much as you’re for me. This partnership will be 50/50 and not 80/20 any more.” Tina’s voice was raspy, I knew from the way she spoke she was scared but brutally honest with her statement. I winced because this couldn’t have been any more true. We had to work together equally for this to work.

“Tee, I know before I was controlling and somewhat mancuplating in how I treated our relationship and a business transaction. And for that I couldn’t apologise enough for belittling you in such a demeaning way. I want to be equal to you no more and no less. How about tonight instead of talking this situation to death I treat us both.”

Tina laughed, “Bette our relationship was not a business transaction nor did it feel that way just sometimes you lost sight I was not your PA I was life partner. But I guess even through those trouble times, I couldn’t help but love you.”

Her sincerity caught in my throat like hot chilli peppers that sorch in your throat. It caught me completely off guard. She had still loved me even though I bullied and cohurst her into decisions she really did have no say in the matter. Her love for me had gone so deep and beyond anything I ever imagined it had. Although I had once been so naïve to belief that’s she would love me no matter how I treated her or what I did.

“Instead of talking this situation to death tonight how about I treat us both?”

I solemnly awaited her reply, “Sounds perfect.”