For ten years now I have lived my life as a solitary entity. There are no voices or warm hugs to greet me as I come and go from my home. My nights are spent in silence except for the voices carried to me by the sound of a TV or radio from some far away place. When I cook it is only for one because I always eat alone. When I lay down it is only my own thoughts that I have to keep me company until slumber takes over.

How can this be you ask? Well let me explain…

It wasn’t always this way. I use to live a life of vibrancy, purpose, and full of some of the most amazing people. I had love all around me but one simple act…or mistake if you will…changed all of that in the blink of
an eye.

Tina…just saying her name out loud brings up so many memories. Not all of them good but each one cherished. She was the one true love of my life. Even after all this time when I close my eyes I can still see her in my minds’ eye beautiful, gentle, and proud. She once gave me such a special gift…it was priceless beyond compare. But when she stopped loving me she took that gift away. That was the day my heart ceased to beat.

What was the gift she gave me you ask?

A beautiful, innocent, and loving child that was her gift to me. You see I had always wanted a child more that anything to complete the image I had in my mind of the “perfect family” I had created. But it seems once
I got it all…I no longer wanted it because I destroyed it.

How you ask?

To be fair, I feel as if I must start at the beginning. Tina and I were instantly attracted to each other from our first meeting. I had come out with my life style choices to the world right after college. However, for
Tina it was much more difficult. She was a straight girl…who had been and currently still was at the time we met, in a heterosexual relationship. Having intense feelings for another woman completely unbalanced her world.