‘Today I’ve lost the last of my savings. I’ve been trying a few things here and there but I finally found the thing that really numbs the pain. The thing that makes me forget about the horrible thing I did to the only woman I’ve ever loved.

‘Weed, crack, and alcohol don’t do the trick, so I’ve chosen heroin. Unfortunately that’s the most expensive drug. I had to pay the dealer with my last check and now I’m definitely screwed.

‘Helena offered me her home and even money to buy more drugs but I’m not taking anything from that controlling bitch. She’s the one that got me here in the first place.

‘My high is starting to wear off…no! Now I’m gonna think about her and feel all the pain! I don’t wanna feel! I don’t wanna feel.

‘Who am I kidding? No matter how many drugs I do I’ll never be able to get her out of my mind. Bette is ingrained in my heart and soul.

‘I know Helena leaves me messages saying that I wouldn’t have fallen for Bette if I hadn’t gone along with her little game but I don’t think that’s true. I think I would have fallen for her anyways because I saw who she really was right from the start.

‘Oh I miss her eyes the most. Sounds crazy huh? You’d think I would miss her soft lips, or her surprisingly talented tongue, or her amazing, silky smooth body. And I do, but I’d be satisfied to just look into her eyes if I didn’t have those other things again. They’re so gorgeous and expressive, it’s like I can look into her soul.

‘And her soul is beautiful. So beautiful I get lost. No model can ever compare in beauty. God I love her so much. My drugs are wearing out, oh God how could I hurt her the way I did. I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve to live.

‘Oh God I need more drugs! I NEED MORE DRUGS!’

Bette had read the entire notebook three times. She couldn’t even focus enough to pack. It was so…she couldn’t even explain it. She read through the notebook over and over again crying her eyes out and not quite believing it. She searched for her old checks to confirm the handwriting and there was no doubt about it. This was written by Tina and the majority of the pages were crusted with dried tears, and they weren’t Bette’s.