I sat absent mindely at the usual table trying to block out the usual repore. Everyday would be a challenge I knew that, but on a day like today I already knew in myself that I was not on my best form.

The chitter chatter of patrons eluded me, I was able to lose myself within the buzz of voices; mostly women before they rushed off to their day job. I couldn’t smile, I couldn’t even think straight. I half laughed to my inner conscience, ‘Well you aren’t straight that’s the point’ she scowled. 

I had spent the past month and a half avoiding social gatherings such as this but there was only so much of Alice’s whining I could take, feeling deflated I knew it would be less painful if I just got this over and done with.

Alice wasn’t there yet which was unusual considering she knew what time we would all be here. I looked at the time again 8.05, she said she would be here by 7.45. I scowled at myself for the image that made me physically want to wretch, Tina having sex with Alice but looking at me as I watched on from the foot of the bed. I winced at the hazel orbs and how deep she looked within me. 

I was broken from my lucid day dream slash nightmare by the upheaval of voices getting louder. Alice face beamed, delighted to see
I had came after all of her begging and incessant whining. 

"Porter, I am glad you finally graced us with your presence. I don’t like the idea of one of my best friends in the while wide world temporarily checking out on me". I smiled finding myself hugging her back, it wasn’t her fault I felt this way about her girlfriend; it didn’t even feel like mine. But whoever it was to blame knew on countless occasions how twisted I found all of this. 

I hadn’t even noticed she was there. Staring intently at me. Watching me. Smiling with her eyes. I could see she was happy to see me, I knew all this with just one look. But still that flutter of excitement soon recoiled as I knew it was wrong to like the fact she cared so much. Yet sometimes I found her attitude condescending and irritating, but today she exuded a different type of aura if you will.