Chapter 5

I feel her stir next to me as I watch the glow from the fire begin to dry the beads of sweat on her back… the beads of sweat caused by our love making.

I smile at the still fresh memory of only moments ago.

The glow from the fire warms my hand which is resting gently on her lower back.

She stirs again and pulls me in closer.  “Mmm, warm,” she mumbles.

I look down at her.

Her face is close to my breast.

I watch as she purses her lips and places a soft kiss on the swell of my breast.

I smile.

My body reacts to her touch.

I have no control.

I close my eyes and sigh contentedly.

My mind drifts back to the few months where things were not so nice between us.

I remember the disappointment I felt when she called to say that she would be late to my doctor’s appointment with Dr. Wilson. I didn’t ask for much, only that she be there on time. I remember the shock of Dr. Wilson telling me that the fetus was no longer viable.

I remember driving home, just shocked by the news that I had miscarried. I was on autopilot after leaving Dr. Wilson’s office. I barely remember her telling me to come back tomorrow for a scheduled D&C. She wants to make sure that there are no remnants of the fetus that may cause me an infection. I nod before grabbing my purse.

I remember sitting in the bedroom. Was I on the floor or on the small couch? That part I don’t remember, but I remember crying and crying and just when I think I have no more tears left I cry some more. I hear the door close, the rush of footsteps on the hardwood floor and I feel her arms wrap themselves around me. I feel her tears mix with mine and together we cry for a child lost.

I feel hot tears begin to gather in my eyes.

I wipe them away, but a tear escapes and rolls down my cheek.

My breath catches in the back of my throat.

I feel her hold me tighter…to give me comfort…comfort that I need now and needed back then.

Does she know what I’m thinking about?  

I look down at her again.

She looks so relaxed and serene, but I know that was not the case only days before…before we left for this trip. She had surprised me with the trip to the mountains of New York. While I do love New York City and what it has to offer, I prefer when it’s spring or fall…not in the middle of winter with the possibility of snow.

I glance over to the windows with the snow piled high and covering the glass.

I listen hard for any sound of a snowplow, but there is only silence in the room, with the occasional sound of firewood crackling and her even breathing.

I gently pick up her hand and carefully lace my fingers with hers. Her fingers are long and her nails are cut short. They’re free from any nail polish. So simple.

I shift slightly in the bed and get a whiff of her scent.

She smells like sex.

I smile.

She smells of us.

I inch lower in bed and hold her tight.

I reach for the down comforter which has gathered at her waist and pull it up to cover us both. It envelops us and gives us our security.

Her breathing lulls me and I glance down one more time to look at her before I let sleep take over.

She is my Bette and I am her Tina.