Dear Diary,

                I wish she would move on like I already had to. I already threw away all of our pictures. I cried myself to sleep so many nights over her. She ignored me, she hurt me, and she left.

               I still lover her though… deep down. We were best friends and will be forever and always. I was scared for her when she ran away. I was worried I’d never see her again, that she’d get hurt, but everything in my life was changing and Vanessa separated herself from my life so much it was hard to keep any part of her in it.

               She is my first love, but Claire is my first girlfriend and I love her too. She is everything I could hope for, she is funny and sweet and smart… and she loves me too. But when my dad or Kenny brings up Vanessa, something inside me seems to awaken, like taking your first breath of air after being held underwater. She put me through hell… and she wants to be forgiven? But I have to forgive her, if I want my best friend back.

               She told me she still loves me. She told me that she rejected me because she didn’t know how she felt. I remember that day at her doorstep, she said she liked guys… but I knew she liked me too. And she didn’t deny it, but how could she when her bitch of a mother showed up and beat me away like I was nothing. I felt sorry for Vanessa, at one point, being so alone in her homophobic home. But then again, I hated her because all she caused me was pain.

               I won’t let myself hurt over her anymore. I am with Claire… that’s that. But I just wish things could go back to normal… that Vanessa could just be my friend again. But those days are gone and things between us will never be the same.

                                                                                                                 -Rose