A few minutes after they left, Harley returned to our table.

I leaned over to give her a quick kiss and squeezed her hand.

“I’m sorry that that was awkward for you,” I said.

She shook her head, “No, I’m sorry that I may have come across as rude to your friends, Aerin. I hope it didn’t sour things with them…”

I smiled and pulled on her hand. “Not a chance. I think they have a healthy respect for you. And you handled that well, actually.”

Harley nodded her head at the envelope, still on the table lying next to my water glass.

“Is that the party invite?” she asked.

I pursed my lips and nodded.

“Very sleek and elegant.”

I smiled but said nothing.

Harley seemed curious. “What kind of party is it? Are you going?”

I shook my head firmly. “No … no way.”

Harley was still curious, I could tell.

So I pulled out the card from inside the envelope, and together we read the inscription. There was nothing unusual in it, and merely gave the address and theme of the party. The letters “plinc” were inscribed in script in the upper right hand of the card.

“What does that mean?” Harley asked pointing at the inscription.

I blew a breath out. “It’s a lesbians only party, Harley. Very hedonistic. There are a few bi’s who somehow get invited, but otherwise, it’s very restricted.”

Harley gave me a long look.

“You’ve been to one of those,” she stated, and not in the form of a question.

I nodded, and gave her a pained look. “I went to one in New York, more than a year ago. It was a memorable night, and it unlocked something in me. I emerged from there with this … primal, hunter’s sense.”

She held my hand, and said softly as I stalled, “So that’s what got you started? On this long string of affairs, I mean? And one-night stands?”

I swallowed drily, but under her warm, supportive gaze, I didn’t feel a sense of moral judgment from her.

But I did feel personal shame for my conduct. So I cast my glance downward.

“That night I learned an uninhibited way of having sex. Because that was the whole point of that party. Just sex, just pleasure, and nothing else. It was a perverse opposite of feeling dead inside. I was recovering from my suicide attempt then, and when I really got into things at that party, I suddenly felt a release of some kind.”

“In the months that followed, as I went through this string of women, I tried to do more, and learned how to come close to inspiring emotion from my partner, to heighten the pleasure, but also how to “let them down” so that neither of us would go away feeling used.”

She squeezed my hand, which made me look up. She said softly, “I’d heard of parties like that going on in Vegas, also. I couldn’t understand the mentality of it then, and I can’t now … but … I’m not judging you, Aerin.”

I swallowed. “I’m not that person any more, Harley. I promise you. Intimacy is sacred, and it always was for me. Before this wild year, that is.”

The waiters approached with our main courses.

As we dug in, Harley elbowed me playfully on the ribs, “Well there is one good thing that came out of that year.”

I gave her a small puzzled smile.

“With everything you’ve learned, you’ll probably be the most amazing lover that I could ever hope to have.”

She licked her lips teasingly, as if licking off the sauce that had been left there by the food she’d started to eat. After she swallowed, I leaned over, licked her lips slowly with my tongue, and gave her a kiss.

As I drew back, I whispered, “Forget amazing. I just want to be the only lover you will ever have, the only one you will ever need.”

She kissed me back, and whispered against my lips, “Like I said. Amazing.”

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