“get off” I screamed, “get off, get off, leave me alone”
I tried to push him away but he was much bigger than me. My clenched fists flailed aimlessly in a desperate attempt to defend myself and to stop happening what I knew deep down was going to happen.
I’m 17 years old. I’m in sixth-form studying A-levels. I do well in my lessons and some might say I’m a bit of a geek. But none of that was the issue. None of that was what had lead me here to this.
The issue was that I am gay. I had known that I was attracted to other girls for a couple of years, but a few weeks ago I had finally had the courage to come out and say that I am a lesbian. It was a big step for me but I never could have anticipated everyone’s reaction, I never could have anticipated this.
My mum was a little upset by the news as she couldn’t see how she could have grandchildren and that thought made her sad. My dad had been fine with the news, he hugged me and told me that everything would be ok. The girls at school became scared of me. They avoided me like the plague. It appeared that 99% of them thought I fancied them. They all gossiped and told tales of how any act of kindness I had shown to any of them in the last few months was actually me hitting on them. The boys reaction had been funny to me. They all suddenly saw me as their very own challenge. Surely one of them had the right moves to seduce me?! Did they not understand that I was gay. The chat up lines were hysterical.
One guy, a tough guy who played for all of the sports teams, had taken it too far though. Now here I was. “help” I screamed. He grabbed my wrists and shoved me to the floor. There was evil in his eyes. I kicked out and scurried backwards across the floor. I hit a tree behind me. He told me that it was ok, that he was helping. He undid the zip on his jeans as he came down to meet me on the floor. I was crying, cold and filthy.
“shhhh” he whispered, silencing me with a kiss as he penetrated me. My body relaxed as I gave up the fight, realising there was nothing more than I could do now. I’d never imagined anything like this could happen to me. I wondered why and I wondered how many other people had been in exactly this situation. Raped by guys that believe they’re helping, that believe they’re a cure to lesbianism.