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This one shot was inspired by the song ”Say You Do,” by Dierks Bentley. It was originally written before S5 and adjusted some as time went on, but mostly it deals with several months after Hades has been dealt with and Lauren had broken up with Bo.
”Don’t worry about the damage done
Just let those words roll off your tongue
Even if you’re lyin’”
”Say You Do.”
That’s what it felt like.
The uncomfortable burn of Buckthorn and the flame I still carried for Lauren that relentlessly smoldered in my chest. Both lit me up in a bonfire of pain in some fashion or another. I was determined to use one to douse the other. Surely it was possible or else I was going to be in for a long life. Well, it would make my already long life agonizing.
Every shot of liquor torched my throat with as much tenacity as her memory did my brain. But the liquor eventually turned numbing, soothing, while the flashes of our time together seared a hole through my heart and mind inflicting more pain than any Fae ever could.
How did I get into this mess?
It all started with my damned succubus need to feed and always putting myself above all else. Even after all this time, my acceptance of this other side of me and the mastering of my abilities, I still found ways to mess things up. I thought learning to control my appetite would be the hardest thing in life, turned out, it was figuring out my human heart. It had always been so easy to blame things on my nature or Lauren’s missteps or the whole Fae idea of destiny or whatever other random craziness came up, but in the end, as I sat here alone drowning my sorrows in liquor, the main source of my problems boiled down to one, simple, unchanging piece of the puzzle.
The woman in the mirrored glass reflection still looked much the same, but the me inside was so very different. This supposed Queen of the Fae who’d chosen her human side, sucked at being human. No, it was more that I sucked at relationships. Tamsin was right way back when she said I sucked at reading people. If I’d ever paid enough attention to the ones I claimed to care about I would have noticed what was going on with Tamsin, Kenzi, Lauren, Dyson. Maybe I wouldn’t have left so much damage in my wake. Damage that I’ve worked to repair and for all intents and purposes would consider myself successful, with one exception. It seemed that no matter what I did, the one thing I so desperately needed to have right in my life, just wouldn’t work out.