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Let’s You and Her Fight
A triangle. That is what I see in my mind and on the ceiling as I lay on my bed that night after the party.
The look on Claire’s eyes and the tears running down her face when she saw me kissed Vanessa.
My dear Vanessa.
The first girl I fell in love with.
The one I thought I would never see again.
The one who broke my heart a thousand times and yet, the same person I wanted over and over.
Is it the thought of her elusiveness that consequently brings me back to her?
I wasn’t expecting to see her.
I was worried when she ran away from home.
There was never a day when I didn’t pray for her safety.
I saw her in street corners but when I turned to look she wasn’t there.
I figured I must have imagined her because I never really stop thinking of her since her parents, especially her mom, prevented us from seeing each other.
When I got together with Claire, I thought I was moving on with my life and maybe I was.
But Vanessa was always occupying a part of my heart.
It was as if she claimed something of me and no one else can take that from her no matter who comes in my life.
Somehow it makes sense to me.
We’ve been best friends forever.
I have Kenny but the bond I shared with Vanessa was different.
Well, I kissed her one time and that totally changed everything.
I began to discover things about myself and I couldn’t understand at the beginning.
I did eventually.
It was a slow and painful process but I came around, came out and I loved it.
The sad part was I had to distance myself from Vanessa.
That feeling of disconnection broke my heart in a million pieces.
She was a significant part of my life and keeping a distance from her was like a betrayal.
Aside from Kenny, she was the other person who knew my secret.
Her refusal to talk to me and be friends with me was devastating.
But now I know why.