Trying hard to shake herself for the dark cloud that was rapidly engulfing her, she slapped her cheeks. “C’mon Jane. Suck it up! You gotta get over this and call Maura.” At the very thought, her heart began that familiar pounding in her chest, her lungs felt like they were being put through a mangle and she struggled to take a full breath. “Stay calm…” she told herself, her shaking voice echoing around the bathroom. “One step at a time.” Balling her hands into fists at her sides, she made her way, on shaking legs into the living area.

Dropping heavily onto the sofa, she stared at the phone. It seemed like it was a thousand miles away as the blood pounded through her head, giving her tunnel vision. She reached out, it felt like slow motion as the world fell away and all that was left was her and that handset. Setting her hand on the cool plastic, Jane’s heart exploded into a violent rhythm, and she pulled it into her lap.

“See.” She told herself. “Little steps.” Fighting to take a deep breath she turned the phone over so the numbers were visible before closing her eyes. She could see nothing but red. “She’ll be here asking questions.” Jane argued out loud with herself. “She’ll want to know everything.”

Jane dialled each number slowly, her shaking finger pausing over the final digit for what felt like an eternity. “***** YOU!!” she screamed, throwing the handset across the room and holding her head in her hands. “Just ***** you.”

-/-

Maura carried the simple brown sack with both arms. She had decided that she would make Jane a nice, healthy meal, something that would help her immune system and her spirits at the same time. It had been a harder decision than she had first imagined. Jane’s ideal of a good meal and hers were a long way apart. Jane liked pizza and beer and cocoa puffs, none of which were particularly good for her. Maura liked salmon with bok choy in an oyster sauce. She had decided on a middle ground and filled her cart with gnocchi ingredients. Angela had shared her recipe with Maura on the one condition that she never told another soul.
As she walked up the steps to Jane’s apartment, Maura shifted the bag into her left hand as she rummaged in her purse for the key to the apartment. She didn’t know why Jane hadn’t returned her calls in the past few days, she’d guessed that the detective was sleeping, or at doctors’ appointments but she’d wanted to give her some space. Now, standing before the simple brown door, she couldn’t help but feel there was something more to this than she had first thought. Her gut was telling her something. ‘I don’t listen to my intestines’ she reminded herself as she slipped the key home and opened the door.