I woke up and Maura’s gone, no note, nothing. I think I really freaked her out, keep hugging her like that. I don’t even know why I did it. That’s a lie; she’s like my safe place. Maybe it’s because she’s a doctor? Maybe its just her… she was really quiet though.

I’m kinda freaking out, she’d not here and I don’t know why. Someone dropped something in the hall or slammed a door, sounded like a gunshot. ***** that cokehead Marino! Why should I have to suffer for him? He isn’t suffering for me. But you see, that’s the thing, I’m not suffering for him. I didn’t blow holes in us to stop him, I did it for Frankie and …….. If I had to do it again, I would. He’s a good brother and he’ll be a great detective when he’s back.

Wow, this really works, I feel less panicky already. Maybe she’s right, she usually is!
So, Marino was dirty, I can’t believe it, can’t believe he’d take me hostage… ME! Glad it was me though and not Maura, I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her, she’d a goofy oddball but her heart is in the right place. Haha. I wish she was here to tell me why her heart will always be in the exact position it is.

I remember she was the last thing I saw on that day, she looked so broken and so beautiful. I see why men flock to her, she’s a real angel. I remember her voice, it was really distant but really clear, like she was whispering in my ear. That’s stupid, I know. The paramedics shouted at her before I blacked out.
Damn Marino all the way to hell!
This sucks, I don’t want to be alone here, this apartment feels too big.
I’m going to call Maura!! See, therapy… I’ll tell you how it goes.

Ok. It took almost an hour but I did it. I made a phone call! How officially ridiculous is it that I’m celebrating that? She didn’t answer and I couldn’t make myself leave a message.

I hope she’ll be back soon, I don’t feel right anymore, like something is missing – clearly I’m not right if I think the thing missing in my life is a woman. Imagine Ma’s reaction to that one. Although Maura is a doctor, Ma’d love telling Carla Tulluci all about that!!

Eugh, I must be tired or hungry or maybe I am just plain crazy. I don’t think this is working so I’m going to get some cocoa puffs.

This is exactly why I don’t believe in all this psychobabble, makes you say and think ***** that’s just plain insane. Work their way in to get more money from you, planting the seeds and making you grow the crazy crop so they can harvest and cash in on it. *****.