Father Crowley smiled at me as I reached the front of the church, but my own smile was less than dazzling. He said a prayer and blessed the congregation and a few hymns were sung. It all felt wrong, like I’d been drugged as was finally coming around.

Father Crowley cleared his throat and adopted a much more authoritative tone as he got down to the business we were there for.

“We are gathered here today to witness the formal joining of Charles William Jones and Jane Clementine Rizzoli in the legal state of matrimony.”

There were a few giggles and I cringed as he announced my middle name to the congregation. I’d always hated it.

“You are to be married according to the orders, customs, and the authority granted by the State of Massachusetts. Matrimony, as understood by us, is a state enriched by a long and honourable tradition of devotion. According to the law, each participant is equal and supports the common rights of one another in marriage.”

I felt so sick, the world was spinning and I wanted to run screaming from the church, but my feet remained solidly placed. Is this what everyone felt like on their wedding day?  Was it normal jitters I was experiencing? I didn’t think so but it was too late to do anything about it and Crowley just ploughed right on.

“Marriage is not just a ceremony here today. It is a commitment for life. Therefore, it is not to be entered into thoughtlessly or irresponsibly.”

I felt Casey squeeze my hand and he smiled at me. He didn’t look nearly as terrified as I felt. I had to get out of there.

“There must be a desire for lifelong companionship. You must support and comfort each other, through the changing experiences of life. May you laugh together in joy, grieve together in sorrow, and grow together in love.”

I had that already, I didn’t need to do this with Casey. I had that with Maura.

“Marriage means caring as much about the welfare and happiness of your partner as about your own well-being. It also means working together to create and sustain a home in which the marriage may flourish.”