3 months…

Dear Journal,

I don’t even think I could begin to describe the things that I have gone through in the past few months. It all seems like such a night terror, but with the few fragile twists and turns that make it seem ok. I miss her. Growing up best friends and then becoming more seemed to be like the perfect dream that every girl had planned out in their life. Going to college, graduating into the real world away from school, getting married, and living in our own house…that’s the dream everyone hopes for. I just don’t understand why now. Why would you hope for something so simple? Because life is never and I mean never that simple.

People lie, they cheat, they steal, but then in a strange twist of fate they change, and they become more of a better person that you ever thought they could be. They rise above your expectation and become someone you can trust, and care for…and maybe even one day love.

This is when I could talk about Ashley like I usually do, but I have nothing to say anymore. When you’re nineteen you feel older, and grown up, you know that you know what love is…but love is a feeling, it’s not something you “know”. Love is something that needs to develop overtime. It’s not something you can just dive into and think its perfect, because love isn’t some easy road. It’s covered with loose stones and speed bumps. Then only problem is, you don’t slow down on those speed bumps, and you assume that everything will be ok if you just speed up…but then one thing goes wrong and you just fall apart.

Not that I need to tell you, but breaking up with her, even though it was mutual and we both knew it was for the best, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I lost my best friend, and the girl I loved. I feel like taking the next step of marriage was a young and naive thing to do, but sometimes I still wish we would have gone through with it. Fought through it with each other…but we were both too young to forgive…we are too young to forgive. It’s been a year, another long year past and my plans of moving to New York City are only a few days away.