The days leading up to the party were both physically and mentally exhausting. I called Ryan, Jeff, and Will to set up a few rehearsals. I had decided to write a new song; the arrangement I had in mind didn’t fit with any I had previously written. As I held the pen I could feel my soul being transferred to the paper. Everything I had was put into that one song. It would be my final gift to her. My final attempt at my happily ever after.

I had decided that part of moving on with my life meant moving away. I always thought I could go on giving until I drew my last breath but I was proven wrong. I was tired. Tired of being a secret. Tired of the emotional roller coaster my life had become. And tired of always coming in second when I knew that deep down she wanted to put me first.

I guess I never really understood how much love could hurt before her. I had always been the heartbreaker. Girls came willingly knowing full well of my reputation. Some came just to be able to say that they had been with me. Some actually thought they would change me. That I would realize they were the one and want to be with them forever. That wasn’t me. I preferred a new plaything each week, sometimes more often than that. It never occurred to me that I would someday be the one silently begging for forever.

Writing that final song was therapeutic in a way. The jealousy I felt because of him was consuming me. This was my chance to break free of it. I held nothing back. She had always been able to express her feelings vocally to me whereas I would convey mine in written form. She knew this and I knew without a doubt she would understand the meaning behind every word.

It took me a day and a half to finish it. I had two days left to rehearse. My band mates arrived and we wasted no time getting to the basement studio to practice. We spent a solid five hours there working on the arrangements. It sounded better than I had hoped. We agreed to do it once more with the lyrics.