It’s raining again, it always seems to rain. I’m sitting here in my window watching it. I can explain why though. I just want to be normal or ordinary like everyone else. I guess I should explain some things about myself. My family and I have lived in Florida for the last four years which include my mom, stepfather, and two sisters. I’ve always been the black sheep of the family. They hardly ever include me in there plans. The last vacation we went on they spoke a total of ten words to me I know I counted. It wasn’t always like that. I remember feeling loved and involved with them. It changed after my dad died. He was killed by a drunk driver when I was eleven years old. I think my mom blamed me for it because I had insisted that he take me to my friend’s house. After he had dropped me off, he was hit by a guy leaving a bar. It killed him instantly. About a six months later she meet Stan and married him six months after that. My sisters loved him right away I didn’t. I thought it was way to soon, and she was replacing my dad.

I know that seems like normal stuff but that is not what makes me different. I discovered or I guess one would say I finally understand myself. "I’m gay" their I said it out loud finally. My family is going to love me for sure now. I’ve had tastes of how homophobic they can be. If I ever decided to come out to them, I would probably be disowned and cast into the streets. I have heard them make comments about how unnatural and sinful it is to love someone of the same sex. All I could think of was it is love, what is wrong about loving someone.

I met her last week. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I would melt every time I locked eyes with her. Her laugh would send shivers down my spine and put butterflies in my stomach. I still remember the first words she said to me like it was yesterday "do you know where the office is". God that voice sounded like an angel sent from heaven. I showed her around all day. I would’ve of been crazy not to. We became instant friends that day. I even opened up and told her about my family. I even told her I was gay. I was so scared that she would never talk to me again after that, but she surprised me. She kissed me. It was the best kiss of my life. I have never felt anything a soft as her lips on mine. In that kiss she saved my life because in that moment I felt alive.

I have decided that I Spencer Carlin am in love with my best friend Ashley Davies, and I would rather be anything but ordinary.