Beautiful Disaster

Chapter Nine: Final Betrayal

"Promise me something Spencer," she asked me. I loved her so much, just holding her like this made my heart swell. She was so good to me even after all I had done, choosing Sara, I had been so stupid. But I knew why I had done it, because when you’re loved by Ashley your whole life changes. She makes you feel beautiful, like you’re worth something. Do you know what losing someone like that can do to you? You’ll never feel loved again after being loved so passionately by someone like her. It scared me, I didn’t want to get too close, I didn’t want to lose that.

"Anything," I told her. We had been dating for over three months now, Sara was long gone and at times I missed her, I missed her stupid jokes and the stupid friendship she had but every bone in my body told me she was bad news, I just knew it.

"Don’t ever forget me," She said with a tear in her eye. How could I forget her? She had changed my whole life, she was the reason for my smile, for me just slightly believing that I was worth something. She was my happiness.

"I couldn’t even if I tried." I meant it, I did…but never would she believe it.

She was away for the week, how I missed her. I missed her so much, my happiness was gone, my smile was missing. I felt ugly again, I felt alone again. That’s why I had called up Sara. I knew she wanted me back and I guess I needed to feel that, to feel wanted. It was August, the month that Bianca had died in so Ashley had been pretty distant lately, she wouldn’t even say ‘I love you’ anymore and God did it ever hurt. But I gave her time, I loved her, what else could I do. But this was bad, this was wrong, I knew it was. But I took the drink anyways.

I kept drinking, just to numb it all, I felt pain when she was away, I needed to let it go. I hated myself, I only loved me when she did.

Drink after drink I let it all go away, suddenly I was playing spin the bottle. Ashley, I miss you Ashley, come home Ashley.