I heard her walk in the front door. "Spence? Baby, I’m home!" her voice cheerily called out to me. Oh my god, I can’t do this. I start to second guess my plan. No I have to do this. A little hurt now so she doesn’t have to watch me die. I can hear her talking again, I can’t make out what she is saying though. Poor Aiden, I feel so bad making him do this, but I don’t know any other way to make her so angry with me that she would let me leave. I should get down there, I grab my bags and make my way into the kitchen. "Will you go wait for me in the car?" I ask Aiden I was walk towards him. "Babe, where are you going?" she asks me as her eyes look over my form carrying the two suitcases I had packed. "Ashley I can’t do this anymore. We need to talk." I say not being able to bring myself to look her in those beautiful brown eyes. "What can’t you do?" I hear her voice shake as she speaks. I have to say this quickly or I will not be able to make it through this. "I don’t love you anymore." I think my heart just broke as I let that out. "Ha Ha funny joke. Where are the cameras?" she tries to laugh a little while speaking. I wish that this was just some bad prank that Aiden and I had cooked up for her. It’s not though, I am dying. "Ashley, I need you to listen to me right now. I am not joking around with you. I do not love you. I am leaving you." my voice is so strained. I wonder if she can tell that every word I just said was a lie. She is staring at me now and I still can’t look at her. I think if I let myself gaze into her eyes I will lose all my resolve and back out of this. "Spence? why are you saying this? I love you and you love me. We just made love last night." as she pleads with me tears start to slowly stream down her face. I lift my head a little, just slightly looking at her. I hope she can’t tell that I have been crying. Last night was the best night of my life, we tenderly made love for hours before falling asleep holding each other. "I am moving in with Aiden." I barely manage to whisper that. She must be so confused right now. "Does he know this?" she asks her voice trembling. "Yes, I have to go Ash. Take care of you okay." I say these last words to her. I have to get out of here now, I feel my determination wavering. With one last glance at her I slip out of the room and head towards Aiden and the car.

I miss her so much. It’s been two weeks since she tried to take her own life. I feel so guilty. The Ashley that I first meet would have never tried to end her life. She was so strong. That’s what first draw me to her. She thinks it was because of how persistent she was, but in all truth it was her strength. I don’t know why I was so difficult with her in the beginning. I was attracted to her the moment I saw her. Curly brown hair, huge brown eyes, and her body, my god what a body. Her soul was so pure, you could see all the pain and longing in her eyes when she would look at you. I hated all that she had to endure in her life. When we first meet she was wasting away, shooting heroin nearly every day. She hid it from me for quite some time, but as soon as things started getting serious it became clear to me what she was doing. After trying to get her help with her addiction I finally just told her that if she did it again I would never talk to her again. That did the trick. To my knowledge she has never touched the drug again. She is in rehab now though. Her therapist told her that if she didn’t go that she would really kill herself. She had plummeted into such depression after I broke up with her. I have to fix this. I thought that I was saving her pain, however though I have never seen Ashley hurt this much. When Aiden gets home we are going to come up with a plan to get my Ashley back.