Well, that went well. UGH! She doesn’t want anything to do with me. Nothing. Now, what the fuck am I going to do. I can’t exactly say I blame her but I really don’t know what else to do. I really didn’t mean to hurt her. I really didn’t. I just didn’t know how to handle things, you know. The emotions just overwhelmed me and I just didn’t know what else to do. Fuck.

There’s the damn bell. Time to go to class. I can’t wait for this day to be over.

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So glad, that first day is finally over. It was sheer torture. Not only did I have Ashley for homeroom but we ended up in three classes together. If you ask me what I learned today it would be that she becomes more, more beautiful by the second. Corny I know but that’s what I learned. I sat in the back and just stared at her. Just stared. I didn’t get gumption to write her anymore notes because of how badly the first one went. I don’t know what I’m going to do but I’m going to have to do something. I can’t keep going like this. I need her. I just know that I do.

During nutrition and lunch I looked for her but I didn’t spot her. I’m really think that she’s avoiding me. She probably went to the library or something so that she wouldn’t have to see me. Yeah well, that won’t work for long because I’m going to go check there next. Yes, Spencer Carlin is going to set foot in the library and it isn’t going to be against her will. To make it worse it’s going to be during her lunch time. Miracles do happen. If she’s not there I keep looking. Not many places where she can hide unless she goes off campus and then I’m screwed.

I’ll figure something out. I just have to. I just can’t let go. She isn’t some nameless girl. She isn’t. But for now I’m going to try to distract myself a bit. If I keep going the way I’m going I’m going to loose it. Hmm…let’s go on myspace and see what Chelsea and Aiden have on their pages. They keep pestering me about getting one of my own but it really isn’t my thing you know. I’m not all that techy and I only go on this thing is to check their pages and few others people. But the main reason I go on is for the music. I just love it. Found some really good stuff.