School, school, school? Why do we have to go to school? UGH!! Once upon a time I used to like going but that time is totally in the past. My desire of going to go to school left me when Spencer Carlin broke my heart. Now I go just so that my dad won’t send me back to that prison in Switzerland and well to talk to Michelle. Michelle has really helped me out these past few weeks. She’s so sweet and fun to be around. Granted that one night at the club sucked but even that didn’t phase her you know. I was visibly upset after my little run in with Spencer. Sweet Michelle didn’t push me or anything. She just left the club when I asked with asking a single question and when we got back to my house she didn’t say a single word when I said I just wanted to go to bed.

I needed that, that night. I just needed to be left alone and think about what had just happened. Not that it helped because I still didn’t understand what had just happened. Spencer pulled the jealousy routine, kissed me senseless in the bathroom and more or less apologized for what she had done and said she still missed me. She said that she missed me so much. God, she sounded like she meant it. She sounded like I felt. So miserable to be without her. But it’s so scary now. I don’t think I can give her my heart again. But who am I kidding she still has it. I just don’t want her to keep hurting it. Don’t want her to know she still has it.

My little run in happened just a few days ago and I’m still thinking about. It happened exactly five days ago and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. I really haven’t talked to anybody about this you know. I just don’t feel like I have somebody in my life that I can honestly be myself with you know. Who I can pour my heart out, you know? Sometimes I need that. Just to have a real friend. But it’s hard for me to trust. It’s always been hard for me and now it’s going to be worse. The first person I really trusted and she broke my heart. So now what do I do? The need is still there. The need to let my feelings out. To share them with someone that isn’t going to judge me. That is going to listen to me. That’s just going to be there.