Chapter Thirteen

Once More

For the next half hour no one said anything, but they were always together, mostly in pairs — Annie and Mattie, Xena and Gabrielle, Annie and Xena, or Mattie and Gabrielle. It was as if the experience was so intense, so moving, there was nothing that could be said. Yet they were always just a touch away — a hand on an arm, or a caress of the hair or cheek, or an occasional hug.

Xena was the first to finally say something, mainly to Gabrielle, but for all of them. "It's so hard for me to believe our love was so boundless, and our lives were so filled with passion for each other. The lust I can understand. But this is all new to me — the memories of the selflessness. I know I only have Alti to blame, but I had no idea…."

"I think it will eventually come back to you," Mattie replied. "If we can endure one or two more sessions all those positive residual memories and feelings that have been suppressed will be free to express themselves."

"I, for one, would like to continue," Annie said. "It saddens me that those precious memories are so faint. As painful as some of them are, I wish they were as fresh as when they happened."

"That makes two of us," Gabrielle agreed. "My memory probably isn't much better than Xena's. But I do think I remember more than she does, especially the good times. Do you think we can go back to some of them?"

"After those two, that sounds like a good idea," Annie said. "Do you have any place in particular in mind?"

"Do you remember the poem Xena got Sappho to write for me — us, for our birthday? That was probably the best birthday gift I ever got." She sighed wistfully. "I wish I knew what happened to the scroll."

"You're right, it was a very happy birthday, even with the pranks." Mattie agreed, casting a knowing grin at Annie. "I think it can be arranged."

Again, they sat in the squared circle formed by the chairs and held hands.

"Okay, everyone. You know the drill," Mattie said. "Eyes closed. Watch your breathing, and concentrate on that moment in time. We were on the cliff overlooking the sea. The sun was setting. And counting. One — two– three — four –"