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`How stupid can I be?! I can’t lose her, too…I don’t know what to do
without her. I need Leo, but I don’t have him. I only really have
her, but not now. Now, I’ve messed it up. I pushed her away when I
should have pulled her to me.’ Bianca runs through the freezing rain
toward the boathouse, `She hates me now. I don’t blame her. I mean
I screamed at her in front of her entire class about…oh *****…what
have I done?!’ she enters the boathouse soaked through and sits on
"Oh, Maggie. I’m sorry." She whispers to herself. She shivers in
the cold, but doesn’t notice, "I didn’t mean it and now I’ve lost
`Isn’t there something you could do?’ her mind whispers to her.
"I don’t know what. I know I’ve pushed too far this time." She
`If you would only be honest with yourself and her….’
"Yeah, honesty. I know I love her. There honesty." Bianca bites
`Yeah, you know, but she doesn’t. It might be….’
"I can’t. That really could be the last straw." She lowers her head
into her hands.
`What else do you have to offer this time? You have apologized
enough to make even yourself sick. What else do you have, but your
love to offer?’
"N-nothing…but she…she won’t want it…not now especially."
`You don’t know that, because frankly you are being a coward.’
"I…it will only hurt me again."
`She would never hurt you…you know that. That’s why you are really
scared.’ Her inner voice accuses.
"I…I…it’s all I have left to give, but what if she doesn’t want it?"
`Then, she’ll tell you, but quit trying to guess. It is the gesture
that will count.’
With one last sigh, Bianca gathers what little courage she has left
and walks back out into the freezing rain. She could wait for Maggie
at the Inn, but that might be too late. Her heart tells her she
needs to do this now. It has to be done immediately and for once her
inner voice isn’t arguing but agreeing. She trudges along in the
rain out to PVU. Maggie has lab now. Bianca knows the building
well. She and Maggie have spent many nights doing homework there.
She comes up to grassy yard outside the glass windows of the
building. She can see Maggie and her classmates performing some kind
of task. She stands helpless as the rain pelts down on her. She
watches as Maggie turns to her book, but doesn’t really seem to be
interested in what is happening in her class.