“But I can’t just forget that you gave me up twice. Alice keeps telling me how much you love me, but I don’t feel it. Your actions belie your words. I don’t think I can go through it again.”

I was but a breath from losing her. I could feel it all the way to my tainted soul. “Name it. Tell me what I can do to prove to you how much I love you. Please.” I’d crossed the room and knelt before her clutching her hand like a drowning man reaching for his rescuer. “I know I don’t deserve a third chance, but I swear to you on all that is good, that I will never betray you again. That I will spend the rest of my eternal days loving you the way you should be loved.”

I felt her hand smooth my hair back and forced my eyes to hers. Such anguish. And I was the cause of most of it. “I’m not the same person I was when we were together, Edward. I,” she bit her lower lip before continuing, “moved on after you left me in Volterra. Once I was in control of my bloodlust…well, Jacob Black and I started seeing each other.”

She pushed me aside and crossed the room. “I waited for you. Dammit, I did. My life was with you. Some parts of me…were only for you, but you never came back.” She turned back, her face angrier than ever and something else…embarrassed. It was harder to tell now that she was a vampire because that lovely tell-tale blush no longer gave it away, but she was embarrassed. “I wanted it to be you, it was supposed to be you…but month after month passed and still no sign of you. I kept putting Jake off and it finally became obvious that you weren’t ever going to return…I slept with Jake,” she finally admitted.

I guess intellectually I’d known that. They’d seemed quite comfortable together and most couples had sex before marriage these days, but hearing her state it so openly was like a physical blow, though I had no room to talk. I’d lost count of the many women I’d been with, and hell, I hadn’t even bothered to learn some of their names. What was the point, I’d always imagined Bella’s lovely face.

“I…” I started to say something I might regret and forced another question out instead, “You love him, then?”

She shrugged. “Yeah.” I nodded. This conversation was taking its toll on me. One second I had no hope then she dangled it in front of me only to snatch it away again the way one does when taunting their cat with a string.

“But not the way I love you,” she added in a soft whisper. “He proposed to me on Christmas Eve, but I told him no.”

I heard Carlisle’s thoughts before she noticed his presence. I was already crossing the floor to answer the door leaving her utterly confused when Carlisle knocked on it.

“Edward,” he nodded, clasping me firmly on the shoulder as he strode past. “Bella, Charlie’s asking for you.”

She was by his side in a flash. “Will you stay for…well, I didn’t get to say everything I wanted…just don’t leave yet, please.”

“Bella, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not leaving until you ask me to. Go tend to your father and know that I’m sorry I failed to keep him safe.”

She pressed her finger against my lips. “Shhh, I said no apologizing.”

We stared at each other for a long moment neither aware that Carlisle was no longer in the room with us and all I wanted was to move just a fraction of an inch so I could feel her cold lips pressed against mine, but before I could muster the courage she slid past me and closed the door.