Ah. Preparation, the best method of ensuring success. That felt good, but I was in no mood to focus on the positive. To even allow my hopes and consolations of my sane mind into the same sphere with my despair was unwise. It was as if they would become tainted by my hopelessness. I was functioning in a constant state of separate duality.

And, if I had any hope of being reconciled with myself, I wanted to just sort these emotions out. Analyzing them was the only way to free myself. Besides, what could I truly do in this instance to control any of this besides attempt to restore my sanity? The future was uncertain. I could not control Bella’s heart.

And, what did Bella's heart want? Was that not the central question? I was selfish, but ultimately I wanted nothing but happiness for her. It was an incontrovertible truth that Bella possessed deep feelings for Jacob Black, deep feelings that were ardently reciprocated. Her whispers in her sleep, her tender caresses of his vile fur, her secret phone calls she hoped I didn't hear, her outrage at his betrayal, which had only belied deeper feelings, and her smile. It was similar to the smile she gave me, almost more comfortable, actually…

Ugh. The concoction swirled again, and I was able to identify, in a brief fraction of a second the distinct feeling that was just lying on the surface; miserable agony.

You need a distraction! Pacing was driving me mad, but I could not stop. Running would be ideal, but it would not help me now. Use your mind!

Rationalizing through this situation logically, controlling these emotions with diligence, and focusing on the circumstances with a cool head were the only methods available. At least I had some options. I did not have to give in to this. I could face these feelings of anxiety and insecurity now with the same severity I had faced them in the past.

Moreover, I’d certainly reached the limits of my frustration with Jacob Black before, under much more extreme circumstances than this, and I had succeeded in mastering my emotions then. In comparison, this situation was nothing! I was stronger than these petty emotions, regardless of how involuntary they were. I could not falter now.