Chapter 1: Blue-eyed Demon

Ashley,

If your reading this, that means your up and I’m gone. I couldn’t take it any more. I cant take care of myself let alone my little girl, please take care of her for me, I just cant anymore. Don’t try to find me, because I just, don’t want to be found.

Tell her I’m sorry and

I love her,

Sherry

I read the abandoned letter over and over, comprehending every word, every syllable. I could feel the pain of each scratch the pen made against the paper. I could feel the emotion of each dry stained tear drops that were scattered sporadically across the letter. Sherry had left. This was exactly how Sherry handled things when they got tough. She refused to get help and then bolted. Granted I couldn’t scold her much, seeing that’s why I was in LA any way, but would I really leave behind my daughter. No I wouldn’t. The love of my life, that’s a different story, hell that is my story.

I’m brought out of my inner thinking by the sound of little giggles coming from my living room. Thank god for Elmo‘s world, right? I instantly feel the pang forming in my chest. How am I suppose to explain to a four year old that mommy’s not coming home. I cant leave her, can I? Not now, not when I’m all she has left. Her mothers just ran off, and god knows where her sperm donor of a father is.

I take a deep breath and think of what I have to do. I mean I’ve been taking care of here anyway for the past six months. Why not make it official? I mean the only reason I put up with Sherry’s bull shit was for Mia. I could do this. I think.

I had been working at a women’s shelter. I was running it 24/7. I made little to no money and everything I made I put right back in, but I wasn’t really worried about it, when my parents died they left me an inheritance that would last me a few life times. When I ran away to LA I put my everything into the shelter. It was my way of fixating on other peoples problems and not mine. I liked avoidance, a lot. One night at the shelter I was doing paper work when a women and her child came in. Mia was 3 and as cute as ever. I felt an immediate drawn to her. Sherry was broken up. Her arm was twisted and she had bruises covering her body. The shelter was already living it’s max, but there was something about them, I had this feeling. So I let them stay at mine. From there I became attached. To Mia not Sherry, but Sherry was convenient so we worked. For awhile any way. They were living with me, and Sherry made promises to clean herself up and each promise would be broken, and then she would make more. I instantly loved Mia, so I let Sherry run her show, and in return I got to be around Mia. Sherry started to get worse, she would disappear for hours and days at a time until she finally just broke down. She came home yelling at me one night about how I was only in this for Mia, that I didn’t love and couldn’t love anyone but the ‘slut’ I left in Ohio. She was right I was in this relationship for Mia, and I was still in love with my ‘Ohio.’ Last night she left, after the same argument we‘ve had time and time again, I heard her come in last night, so I thought it was just like the others. But from the note still in my hand I guess this was it. She had left.

I spent the last few months using my connections I had gained at the shelter to speed up the process of adopting Mia. According to the law I wasn’t suppose to leave the state with Mia so soon but I had connections to speed up my plea, and a few reasons to back me up. One, working at a shelter 24 hours a day, with a risk of danger was not a way for me to spend my days anymore, I had a little girl to think of. Secondly, LA was not the place to raise Mia, or not the place I wanted to raise my child. Thirdly was the wedding invitation that was currently in my hand.

After calling and talking to a very unpleasant travel agent for an hour and half, I had successfully changed my one round trip ticket to two one way tickets. Fun stuff, I tell you. I was now moving back to the place I had left 3 years ago. I was going to have to face that blue- eyed demon that had haunted my dreams every day since. I was going back. And this time I wasn’t running.

Song that was an inspiration for this Chapter.  Rascal Flatts: I’m moving on

In the song he’s leaving his demons, he’s moving on. In this chapter she’s going back, trying to become content with her past, her demons. Listen to the song it fits perfectly if you think about it.