Spencer shut the door behind her and slid down it in tears. She couldn’t stop the flashes of what happened from repeatedly playing in her head.  It was like a bad horror film that was stuck on a loop in her mind. Spencer shook her head and tried to get rid of the images of his face, or the way the pain reverberated through her body when he entered her. Spencer began to cry harder, wishing the pain would fade away through her salt drenched tears but she knew it wasn’t that easy. Life wasn’t that easy.  

Strung out, needle in arm
and the ocean is bleeding salt on your wounds

Spencer rose from her position in front of the door and went to the bathroom. She had to take a shower to wash the filth of what happened off of her. As she entered her bathroom, she turned on the hot water and stripped her self of all her clothes. Once unclothed, she looked down at her body in disgust. Spencer saw the bruises that were starting to form on her thighs from where Roberts’s hands had gripped them. Spencer then stepped into the scalding hot water and immediately began to scrub her self clean.

So I sat, as armies marched
But you found me awake but asleep on the porch

Spencer kept scrubbing, even as her skin began to turn a blood red from the friction.  She began bleeding in some parts of her body but she didn’t care. She would rather bleed then have to spend another second with the grit of her being raped all over her or having to smell the stench of his cologne ebbing off of her skin. Spencer then stopped scrubbing, stopped all movement and collapsed in the shower crying. She sat there, under the sweltering water and cried. Spencer didn’t think she had any more tears to produce but they kept flowing, mixing with the water of her shower.  

And don’t you cry, my darling
Nashville is forgotten
And don’t you cry, my darling
New York is the ocean

Spencer sat there crying. She cried for all the things that were wrong in her life, for what happened, for Ashley, and then finally for herself; for the fact that there was nothing she could do concerning her situation. She had been raped and taken advantage of and she felt like there was nothing she could do about it. Spencer felt hopeless and helpless all the same, felt damage while that asshole went on about his day; most likely satisfied at his accomplishment of emotionally breaking someone into millions of pieces. Shards of her self worth were left lying in that alley, too sharp to put back together. There wasn’t enough glue in the world to mend what was broken inside of her.