With my face pressed to the back of Ashley’s shoulder blade, I drifted to sleep slowly with the soft, hollow rhythm of her beating heart; the heart that I have come to know so well, to love so completely.  As the first dim light of morning began to drift and settle onto the floor of the room, I awoke to find her head on my chest.  The tenderness of her calm steady breathing blew gently on my hand, gripped like a life preserver by her own palms, and at some point during the night, brought to rest quietly against the soft tanned skin of her cheek.  I pull the comforter lightly over her shoulder and snuggle into the warmth of her body, wandering into my thoughts.

            I wonder what my family is doing right now.  Glenn is probably asleep, dad up in the kitchen fixing breakfast for mom as she gets ready for another early shift.  Moving back to Ohio would be a good thing for them I guess.  Mom and Dad will be close again since life at the hospital will be much less demanding.  I smile, thinking of the way mom and dad used to dance around the living room of our suburban home in Ohio when a good song came on the radio, how every Sunday we would go to church as a family and then out for brunch at a small diner on the court square; Mom and Dad talking about the sermon, Glenn and Clay arguing over the ketchup bottle.  At one point in time I would have given anything to be back in those days again… 

            But is there anything in Ohio for me anymore?  My family yes but besides that.. I don’t talk to any of my old friends anymore, and I’m sure by now they have all been informed of my girlfriend and wouldn’t want to talk to me anyhow.  How am I going to deal with such close minded people?? It took ages just to get my mother to treat me decently and she’s my own blood..

             I’m sure as hell not going to be on the cheerleading squad again..

              Man, and in two weeks, if we move, the weather will be starting to get cold again and all I have are clothes for the dry humidity of Cali. I sigh. Even my wardrobe isn’t ready to leave..

            Ashley stirs a little and runs her hand down and around my ribcage.  Shouldn’t be much longer before she wakes up; when she is sleeping deeply, she’s more or less in a corpse like coma.

            The sun has peeked over the horizon now, its gentle rays combing streaks of light through Ashley’s rather wild mane of hair, washing across the calm curves of her sleeping figure.  I see so much of her in me, who will I be when she’s gone? And how will she change?  Even just glancing around her room, my eyes glide over little pieces of me everywhere.  The picture of us on her beside table from my last birthday, her arms draped over my shoulders with our faces smashed together, smiling from ear to ear.  The skirt she borrowed from me at the beginning of summer, sitting in a crumpled pile on the floor where she took it off.  The corsage that I bought her, tucked in the frame of her mirror, from prom last year.  How do I learn to live without the only thing that has come to matter to me? And where will that go from here?

            I hear her sigh quietly as her sleepy eyes flutter open and meet mine.  For a second, she forgets about the night before, groggily saying “good morning,” and pulling herself up to press her lips lightly against mine, then nuzzling back into my neck with a hug.  

            “Good morning love” I say, pulling her tighter against me and enjoying the wonderful simplicity of the new day.  If only we could stay like this forever and lock the rest of the world away…