Chapter 2 The Present

"Oh what?? Yeah dad i am good, just thinking about this math test i have to take tommorrow" I said quickly, hopefully fast enough
"Umm okay then" He said trying to hide the worry in his voice.
" I am going to go to bed now, night dad love you" I spoke the words trying to hurry to get out of there before i lost it.
"Night Bells, love ya too" Charlie said staring at me.

I quickly ran upstairs, throwing myself down on my bed. I began sobbing, i truly hated myself, i let my self go to far.
I guess i cried myself to sleep becuz i woke up with dirty makes coming from my eyes, from those bloody tears.
Ugh! why did i have to do that, i am sure Charlie saw right through me.
When i woke i went to look out my window, seeing if Charlie had left yet. I was already really confident that he had already left, he had thank god.
I arrived at school kinda early. I noticed that there was a new kid, he was quite attractive. My body froze right there, Bella you haven't noticed anyone since Edwa- he left! This was different i couldn't believe my heart pick a beat up ot of nowhere when i noticed him.

Chapter 2 part 2

My My he was…um whats the word i thought in my mind, i couldn't think of a word. He wasn't as gorgeous as Ed- HIM. Why do i keep doing that?? Ugh! That was just making me hate myself by the second even more. Everytime i did that the whole in my chest festered and growing, making me think of this poem i wrote…
Life and Love go on….
Every time i think about what we could be, something is always in the way blocking like a wall threatening not to let anyone pass.But then i have to think wow i am crazy and i would never be able to be with you, not in 10 years or in a century. I just keep trying to kick the thought out of my head, maybe to the curb just for a while to clear my mind, but hey we can all dream right…
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Him and I talk a lot and are good friends but why would i ruin that with the way i feel, maybe i am just scared to know the way he feels. I would rather be close as we now then make some stupid move and demolish what we have.
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When life and love move onward will my heart? Even though it festers like gasoline being set a blaze, each and every time reopening sores that were patched from long ago, but now being set on flames causing them to get wider each and every occasion. My question is when and how long will it take to stop these aches and worsen pains that shoot through my unfeeling heart. But not exactly unfeeling nor numbing like wishing it would be to stop the crushing and shattering of the nothingness of my unfeeling heart.
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He searches like nothing is there like he is waiting for her emerge out of thin air, but how can i be positive, i don't think he realizes i am here no matter what for him, always by his side for hard times and the wonders and things he endures.
A life time ago its seems that we both felt the same way it seems, but the mind plays tricks on those who are in pain, possibly pain is just weakness of a broken heart, but not
all of us know that we do have that disadvantage of a complicated heart. ( Actually wrote this By Mandi Mueller)