I felt the mattress give beneath me as I sank down onto it, trying to breath. I could sense Jacob’s anxiety, and felt him patting my arm, distractedly. He was staring out of the window, as if looking for some sign of something, but I ignored his wandering eyes.

Vampires were back in Forks. They were looking for me, and had promised to kill me…if I wasn’t like them. They would arrive, and see that the…situation had changed. Charlie would be in danger. Everyone I knew would be in danger; the whole town. Sure, the Volturi wouldn’t want to be exposed, but that didn’t lessen the risk. That much.

They would find me human. They would kill me, because I knew their secrets. They’d probably taunt me with my past-Jane didn’t need access to my head to cause me unbelievable pain. Although she might not even realise it until she saw my reaction.

As I rethought Jacob’s words, something suddenly hit me.

“You’re…looking for them? Tracking them?” Jacob looked distracted as his eyes met mine; he rolled his eyes, and turned away. I felt a little flame of anger flare up inside me. I didn’t care what he said this time. They were not going to put their lives on the line for me this time. I knew that they’d be killed-all of them. This wasn’t a pack of untrained, newborn vampires. This was the Volturi-ruthless, powerful, and mortal enemies of werewolves, like all vampires. They wanted me, that was all. Nobody else needed to be involved. Of course, if they realised that the pack was running around, they’d dispose of them, too. So I needed to stop them, before it was too late…

“You can’t.” I said shortly. I knew what his reaction would be before it came.

“We will.” I knew the discussion was over, and that he wouldn’t listen to any reasoning. I knew that even if I tried to explain to him what he was dealing with, he’d brush me off, not listening.

“Look. You’ll be protected. It’ll be fine. We know what we’re dealing with,” No you don’t “and it’s all going to be fine. We’re not stupid. We’re supposed to protect the town and all that. We’re not letting anyone get hurt.” He didn’t even ask why they’d come. He obviously knew it was something to do with me, and that seemed enough for him. He didn’t appear to need any further explanation, and without another word, he left, leaving me staring at a blank space on the wall.

I had to do something, quick. This wasn’t going to be like last time. I wasn’t going to stand around, wasting precious time, arguing with people whose resolve would not waver. I had to take action, by myself.

The only thing I could do to help everyone was to give myself up.

I almost smiled at the thought. It really was that simple. After all, I had nothing to live for, did I? I had a worthless job, essentially no friends, except Jacob-and he was happy. Charlie and Renee couldn’t miss me that much, as I had hardly been living life to the full before. Maybe they would think that I had run away somewhere. I wouldn’t leave a note-it would probably just hurt them more. Hopefully Jacob would help them along.

It really was that easy. I wouldn’t be missed. All I had to do was wander out into the woods, and they’d find me. They’d get rid of me-then leave. I’d tell them all they needed to know before, so they wouldn’t check out the area afterwards. They didn’t need to know about the pack. Everything would be over before anyone was hurt. There would be no casualties this time, no anxious waiting filled with a terrible dread. No face off with me sitting useless in a corner, consumed with fear.

This time I would have a purpose. This time there wouldn’t be a ‘this time’, because there would no fight. There would be no interaction between the two groups, and everyone could just get back to living how they did before. Perfectly fine. Perfectly normal. I had only been an interruption, after all. A brief stutter in the harmony. I used to think I had something to live for…I guess I did then. But because of that time, it seemed that my life was afterwards empty.

After all-when your world and beliefs collapse, do they become something else…

Or just disappear?