“I can’t believe this is happening again.”  She said it in a whisper and I am not sure I was intended to hear it.  I had no idea what to do.  I could not leave Clay sitting outside, but I couldn’t leave her here.  I was beginning to doubt if she even wanted to be with me and I could not enter that conversation without adequate preparation.  The past two days have been completely overwhelming for both of us and I thought it best to take some time to clear our heads.  I was going to leave, but I wanted her to know that hope was not lost.  I walked over to her and placed my hands on her face.

            “Call me later.”  I leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.  She held my hand on her face with hers.  I walked away with her hand traveling with me, remaining in contact as long as the length of her arm would allow. 

            “So I guess you worked things out, considering this is the second night in a row you have spent at Ashley’s.”  I caught the sexual implications and just rolled my eyes at Clay. 

            “I hope we can.”  I stare straight ahead.  “Things are so different now, you know.  I am not sure if she has a place for me.”

            “This is Ashley we are talking about right?  This is drop everything to move to New York for you Ashley; right?  Spencer, someone that loves you that much, doesn’t stop loving you; ever.”

            “I know she loves me, but I don’t know if she wants to be with me or even can be with me.  With out too many gory details, she hasn’t exactly been receptive to my advances.”

            “Maybe she associates that with you leaving.  Maybe she is afraid that if she opens that up to you, you’re going to walk out again.”  Clay had been the only person I told the whole story to.  “One heartbreak you can survive, but you loose a piece of yourself.  Two heartbreaks and there is no hope for recovery.”

            “I hadn’t thought of that.  So what do you think I should do?”  We pulled up to the house and exited the car.  I waited for him at my door while he walked to me.

            “You need to make her understand that you are not going to leave.  She has to truly believe that she can trust you with her heart again.  And you have to realize that it might not just happen overnight.”  This information was hard to swallow, but it was something I needed to hear. 

            “Thanks Clay.”  I wrapped my arms around his back and rested my head on his chest.  “I’m so glad you’re here.”

            “Yeah, you’re just glad I’m here to drive you around.”  I smile at him and we walk inside with his arm draped over my shoulder. 

            I need to think of something and fast. Even since I have been in LA, I have walked out on her twice.  If I were her, I would not trust me either.  Clarity comes and I see the answer is simple.  I just won’t take ‘no’ for an answer, no matter what.  I will just keep at her until she realizes that I am in it for the long haul.