I order myself three shots and two beers. I refuse to be any where near sober right now……. I have nothing going for me anyway.

Within minutes those are gone too. I order more shots, but no beers. I quickly ask myself what I am doing; am I trying to get alcohol poisoning? Do I want to die? The answers scare me. I refuse to repeat. This isn’t me anyway.

I’m so lost. Lost to the world, to my love, to anything I could feel and it hurts.

Love is just like the lost I guess; something that you don’t understand. I can’t understand maybe. I could refuse to even. I don’t understand.

A girl approaches me. She sits down across from me and orders two beers. I’m guessing one is for me. She just smiles at me and waits, for what I have no clue.

"So, do you always seem this broken?" she asks me.

I say nothing to her, I just chug my beer again and wait for another.

"Right. Okay. So who was the girl you lo…."

"What makes you think I loved her? Can’t I just be an alcoholic?"

"Well, since I was gonna say lost instead of loved, I rephrase my question now. Are you always such a bitch?" she smiles and it makes me want to smile too.

I just look down and sigh. I think about saying sorry, but then ask myself why? Why should I apologise? I want her to leave……. I want her to leave, right?

"Well, my name is Alexa." she drinks some of her beer. "Don’t think that I’m interested in you, I just need someone who isn’t stupid to have a conversation with. You looked like you needed a friend anyway. I always see you here all sad and depressed."

"I don’t need anyone."

"But the one you loved and lost?" she counters.

I grit my teeth and go to leave. When I stand my legs feel like jello and I have to sit back down.

"Good to know you care about me enough to not leave." she says with sarcasm. "You need help, or would that just hurt your pride?"