I just sat there in her car. We had stopped awhile ago at a park and she’s been starring at me. She hasn’t said anything, not one word. She just sits there and it doesn’t bother me like it normally would. The only thing really going on in my mind is Spencer. Flashbacks to what’s happened……. the way I destroyed her that day. Meth leads people to that though. I’ve known this from my mothers eyes, never my own. Now I see the trouble it makes……. I couldn’t even think. That day I was so gone into what the drugs made me feel.

I made Spencer believe I didn’t love her. She was even waiting for me to come to her but I didn’t. I let my normal self break through even when I wasn’t high, drunk of course, but not high. She had wanted me to fix the things that happened to us, what I made happen to us. She never called because I was the one who should call. She had no reason to but I did, I made the mistake and I should have aken it upon myself to fix it. If I try now she’ll just think it’s because she had said something. It won’t have the same effect now.

I’m miserable and killing myself. It is my intent, but not literally. I just want my heart to die, my emotions to subside. Now I wish I had a pen and paper, cause I think I have the best song ever in my head right now. I’ve made this hell that I feel, the fire and brimstone was meant for me but it lashed out at Spencer too. Karma is what this is, but instead of just getting me it got her too. I never meant for any of this shit to happen.

She’s still just starring at me blankly. I finally turn to her and she smiles and puts her and on mine. "This isn’t the end of the wrold unless you let it be."

I look at her hand on mine and pull my hand out from under hers. "I love Spencer."

"I know that, so the question now is what are you doing about it?"