“Well that’s all right. Why don’t you take a seat next to Edward here? You never do come to visit us during school hours,” she said, pushing out her bottom lip as her eyes twinkled with a sinister glint. Edward had stopped laughing by now, and watched us with mild amusement and confusion.

“Um,” I stammered. “I don’t think so.” Alice. You. Jerk.

“Come on, sweetie,” she pleaded with faux-desperation, “Come and sit down. Please? Pretty please with Edw… I mean, sugar on top?”

Jasper burst into hysterics as I stared at her with utter mortification. I wasn’t sure what was more disturbing – the sexual reference, or the fact that Jasper was actually laughing. Edward looked to be completely mystified by the entire exchange.

“Go on, Bella,” Jasper gasped, still shaking with laughter, “He won’t bite,” That sent both him and Alice into another fit of hysterics that had the whole cafeteria staring.

I was trying to figure out the best way to disappear for good and kill those two simultaneously when Edward finally cut in. “Alice,” he said slowly, as though he was preoccupied with his own train of thought, “May I have a word?”

Alice stopped laughing at once and looked at Edward quizzically. He gave her a hard look and her grin vanished. She nodded as he stood up and followed him out of the cafeteria.

I watched as they stopped a little ways away from the exit and strained my ears to listen. Edward looked angry; he repeatedly clenched his fists and shook his head as Alice hissed quietly at him, speaking so quickly a human wouldn’t be able to understand a word she said. I was only able to pick out parts of the argument.

“… you agreed to keep that to a minimum, you understand the risk…”

“… didn’t mean it like that, it was just fun…”

“… you won’t be laughing if it actually happens, Alice…”

“… not my fault you two are so in l-“

I turned my back to them, not sure I wanted to hear more. As much as I enjoyed my ability to listen in on certain private conversations, around the Cullens it felt too intrusive; too out of line. I shot once last angry glance at a bewildered-looking Jasper before gathering up my textbooks and stomping back to my table.