Chapter 1 Spencer pov

I look at the naked body next to me, I can see the curves of her body underneath the blanket , draped over her bare form. I can’t stop the tears rolling down my face. Droplets streaming down my cheeks with how hard I’m crying. I raise my hands to wipe my tears away, hoping it well help. I try so hard to keep my emotions in check but the reprocutions of what I’ve done suddenly come over me again I can’t control my tears anymore as they pour out of me, my sobs coming out in slow intervals. They are causing me to gasp for air as hiccups escapes my lips .My tears drenched my face once again. My breathing seems so difficult right now as I silently cry to myself. Who knew you could cry so hard and yet make no noise.

I crawl out of the bed to the window and pull the curtains aside, I look up into the nights sky staring into the darkness above me and searching the stars. Looking at how beautiful they are and how small I feel. I stare for what seems like hours. My tears are now dried on my face, my whimpers deadened by the night. When I finally look back towards the bed my tears come back and the control I had just regained over myself a few minutes ago is gone. I cover my mouth trying to hold in more sobs that want to escape.

“God what have I done?” I whisper to myself. I sit on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands, my fingers combing through my hair. A deep sigh comes out of me numbness filling my body.*

*control yourself this isn’t going to change anything*I think to myself.* I never should of let this happen*
 

But still the only thing I can think is, this isn’t her, this isn’t the girl I love. This isn’t Ashley.

As I sit up from the corner of the bed, I take a few deep breaths to clear my head. I reach across lifting up the blanket from the bed, crawling slowly underneath it trying not to disturb the body next to me. My head descended on to the plush pillow and all my thoughts were consumed with today’s events. Knowing that even with the new day to come nothing could change what happened today and as much as I hurt I don’t know if I truly regret my actions as much as I did earlier.. I wanted tomorrow to come, yet dreaded having to deal with what I learned and what I’ve done.. I closed my eyes wanting sleep to come but like my life right now it didn’t want to come easily . As I felt myself starting to succumb to sleep I felt her arms reach around my waist, pulling my body into hers. Her thumb unconsciously caressing my stomach.

I let myself pretend it’s not her next to me, but my loves, my betrayers body next to me. Her warmth covering my body. I knew it wasn’t her but I let myself fall into the bliss of my loves touch, knowing it was a lie. But right now, in this moment, I let myself believe it. I let my mind play it’s magic and let myself believe it’s Ashley’s body next to me., her warm breath on my neck, her soft arms wrapped around me. Sleep came slowly. Taking it’s sweet time. Tomorrow the sun will rise for a brand new day, and I’ll have to face the truth.. I almost wished it wouldn’t come, if only It wouldn’t. but you can’t count on if only’s….. it’ll come and who knows what it well bring with it.

As sleep started taking over my body I heard her whisper in my ear“ Good night Spence.” she says this in a soft tone that was once unknown to me until recently. Before sleep came over me completely I whispered in a hushed voice, as if only saying it to myself, “Good night Madison.” I turn over to face away from her and finally let sleep consume my body and bring the peace that only sleep can.

*~*~*~*~* Should i continue?