“That’ll show you to stay away from red heads” he said with a smile, and ever since then, we were buddies.

Anyway the morning that I changed my seat he knew exactly why and i silently hated him for it. He was so perceptive sometimes. When we got to Spencer’s stop he opened the doors with a huge grin and a look in my direction. “Morning Spence,” he said cheerily and she replied with her usual greeting, only her voice was low and sad. I eyed her suspiciously and saw that she wore baggy blue jeans and a tattered old American Eagle shirt underneath her grey coat. Her eyes were stained pink and she had bags beneath them. Pete had obviously noticed this too, because he gave me a cautious glance in the mirror. I sat upright and tried to appear as normal as possible. Spencer glanced to my empty seat and something in her cracked. I saw it, the sadness there, and immediately wanted to stand an engulf her in a hug, but that was breaking a million and one rules. So I just stayed put. She walked by me and sat without even realizing that I was there beside her. She busied herself twiddling her thumbs.

Meanwhile my insides were screaming. I was sitting right next to her! I could feel the heat radiating off her body and I could smell her. She smelled like strawberry Lip Smackers and something else that I couldn’t really place, something very Spencer-like. I took it all in, trying my best not to move too much, to get her attention. I didn’t want to freak her out.

“You okay there, doll?” Pete said from his seat, and Spencer replied “Yes,” not looking up from her fingers, but I knew that she was lying. Tears were starting in her eyes and she was rubbling her fingers together mercilessly, as if trying to work the skin off. I knew that this couldn’t have been about me, but I also knew that my absence today wasn’t helping. I had to let her know that I was sitting right beside her, that I was here to protect her. So with as much caution as I could muster, I snaked my hand out of my pocket and reached over and covered both of hers. She jumped at this, looking up with confusion in her eyes, but upon seeing me her eyes softened. She was happy for a moment, but then begin to eye the rest of the passengers nervously. I retracted my hand and turned my gaze back toward the front of the bus. Pete was glancing up whenever he had the chance.

My skin was burning where I had touched her, a slow fire that begin in my fingertips and ended between my legs. From just that touch I felt myself tensing. But this wasn’t the time. This was about Spencer. But I didn’t know what to do next. I couldn’t look over at her. So I looked up at Pete in the mirror. He was smiling and nodded at me reassuringly. So I breathed in. I placed my hand atop hers again, not yet looking at her. Just resting it there, basking in the feeling, hoping that I was helping.

When I turned my head forward again, I saw that she was smiling, a small one, almost unnoticeable to most, but I could see it. I knew her. I tightened my grip and then pulled away again, but slowly this time. I wanted her to know that I was there.

We didn’t look at each other again that ride, and when she got off of the bus she didn’t look back at me, but I wasn’t sad. I knew that she knew that I was watching. I knew that she could feel me.

At lunch that day I told Liza and she just stared at me, a blank expression on her face. I wasn’t surprised by this. It had been over a year since I met Spencer and Liza was bored with my ramblings after only a few months. I waited for her to say something, anything but she didn’t. So I lifted the arm rest between our two seats and stretched myself across the two seats, my head resting on her lap. I stared up at her and she stared right back, poking at my cheek absentmindedly. Liza did things like that from time to time.

“I just don’t want you to get your hopes up Ashums,” she whispered and I smiled in response. I reached up and poked her cheek.

“I know…” And I did know. I knew that it was already too late. My hopes were so high that I could barely see, or think, or feel, or even breath for that matter. I could only think of her.