Why Can’t I/Everywhere

Ever since my talk with Ashley he’s all I think about. He’s all I talk about. He’s all I want. Everything is about him and it pisses me off, yet makes me so happy at the same time. I’m totally head over heels for this boy and still I know I should be pissed. He led me on all that time, but here I am totally in love with him.

There are so many things I can’t do whenever he’s on my mind. I’ll try and tell one of my friends from Baltimore about him and I can’t. I can’t speak. But that’s ok because I’ve already told them everything about him a million times over; thank you email and instant messaging.

I try to run away from him when I sleep, clear my thoughts of him, but there he is; in all his glory with flowers in hand, trying to recite Romeo and Juliet with that dopey grin on his handsome face. My brain tells me I should run away, as fast as I possibly can, so I don’t get hurt again, but my feet stay planted, arms wide open waiting for him to pick me up, and a dopey grin of my own plastered on my face.

Every thought of him makes breathing extremely hard. Every glimpse of him, his perfect body, his little green eyes, his ‘aw shucks’, I’m so damn adorable, irresistibly cute smile, makes my breath catch in my throat. Ashley’s walked in on a few of these moments and ends up having to smack me on the back to snap me out of it. Of course she gets a good laugh out of it, saying how I should buy myself a respirator so I don’t die of self suffocation, and ya know…I’m starting to think she’s right, because this happens a bit too often, and let me tell you that forgetting how to breathe isn’t a good thing.

I wish I could take stock in what Ashley said, about him having feelings for me. It’s just hard to considering the way he treated me. It would be so amazing if he did, so amazing. But I don’t want to sit here getting my hopes up, thinking that he’s just gonna come in here and tell me that he was wrong about everything, that it’s me he loves, and it’s me that he wants to be with…but he’s made it quite clear that it’s not…it’s Ashley.

If I could escape these feelings I would. But I can’t. Why can’t I? Because he’s everywhere, everything is a constant reminder of him.

Riiiiing…Riiiiing…

“Ugh, who’s calling me…Hello?”

“Hey Kyla, um…it’s Aiden.”

“Uh, hey. What’s up?”

“Nothing really um…I was wondering if maybe…we could um…talk?”

“Ok, what about?”

“Not now, not on the phone. We need to talk in person.”

“Oh, well…ok I guess. Did you wanna come over?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in a little bit.”

“Yeah, bye.”

Well this is gonna be interesting…