“I know. And I just wanted to scream at him. Because he can’t be in love with you. Because I…” I stop.

She sits back on the bed, closer this time, and takes her hand in mine and looks at me closely. “Because you what, Spencer.”

‘Because I love you.’ I want to say it so bad. Three little words but they just won’t leave my mouth. So I lie. “Because…umm. If you guys break up, it’d be weird right? I mean, we’re all friends again and it sucked the first time you ended it.”

Her face falls. She knew what I wanted to say and she knows I chickened out. She plasters a weak smile on her face “Right, Spence. I’ll think about that. I’m really tired so let’s just sleep ok?” She lies on the bed with her back to me and turns off the light before I have a chance to say anything.

“Night Ash,” I say. She doesn’t respond. I never thought it was possible to break your own heart, but I think I just did.

________________

I wait until I’m sure she’s asleep and then I head down the hall to Kyla’s room.

“Ky?” I whisper, climbing into her bed “Are you awake?”

“Ash?” She says, sounding concerned “Is the house on fire?”

“What? No of course not?” Maybe she’s still dreaming.

“Then why the fuck are you waking me up at 1:30 in the God damn morning.” She’s witty when she first wakes up.

“Spencer’s here an-and,” I stop because my voice gets shaky and the tears that have gathered in my eyes are threatening to spill. She sits up

“Okay, okay I’m awake. Speak.”

_____________________

I roll over, expecting to feel an Ashley-shaped lump next to me, but there isn’t one. “Ashley?” I whisper into the dark, but there’s no answer. I check the bathroom, but she didn’t go in there, so I start to head back to her room when I hear muffled voices coming from the other end of the hall: Kyla’s room

“You already know how stuff’s been lately with me and Spence right?” I hear Ashley say.