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She’s doing it again.  That thing where we’ll be talking and then she just completely zones out. And she gets this far off look on her face. I know she’s thinking about us. Our friendship, stuff like that because she’s smiling. Then she stops, and almost looks like she is going to cry and I know that means she is thinking about my date tonight, or Aiden, her boyfriend.  It breaks my heart that she thinks I actually like Carmen.  I never like any of the girls I date, which is why none of them last long.

But the thing is, I couldn’t keep waiting for Spencer to get her ass in gear. She knows I love her. She has to. And I’m 99.9% positive she feels the same way.  In her head though, she tries to push it away, these feelings.  Ever since she was little, her mom always told her that being gay was a sin that she would burn in hell for, and even though her mom doesn’t live with her anymore, she still sees her. Plus her brother isn’t the most tolerant guy on the planet.  So Spence made sure she acted as straight as an arrow.  I say act because I know that girl better than anyone else on this planet and she does not like boys.

She told me once, that she was gay.  But we were really little, and I don’t think she thinks I remember it, but I do. She underestimates me, because I remember almost everything she tells me, word for word. 

“Hey!” She yelled, pushing a 6-year-old Aiden into the sand at the playground. “She was using that!”  Aiden, the little snot bucket, had taken my swing. He burst into tears and ran away. “Boys are so gross,” she said, smiling at me.  “Here’s your swing back.” 

“Thanks,” I said, a little unsure of what to do with this girl who I had never met. “I hate boys.”

“Me too!!” She squealed, ecstatic that we had so much in common. “I never want to go near them.”

“Not ever? But then who will you marry?”

She thought about this for a moment, and then said “I’ll just marry a girl! They’re so much better anyway.” She sat down in the swing next to me and grabbed my hand, pulling my swing towards hers.  “Me and you can just get married.” And then she kissed me. She swung into me, kissed me on the lips, and swung back out. Then she ran away shrieking “You’re it!!!”