She’s been doing this a lot lately, getting bolder.  She grabs my hand in public a lot more, when we have sleep over’s she always winds up snuggled up against me, and she asks me to give her the chills all the damn time.  And not just on her arms, but on her back, too. A lot of the time she’ll just take off her shirt, to ‘make it easier for me’ and I know she’s testing me.  But I won’t make the first move, it has to be her because she has to decide that this is really what she wants, so I always pull away. But it gets harder every time.

“So what about love,” she asks, and I’m snapped back into reality. 

“With love,” I say, “You care about what’s in here.” I move my hand back and forth a little for emphasis, and she takes in a sharp breath. I know what I’m doing, and I know I shouldn’t, but I keep going. ”It’s like this complete yearning for that other person… like…not being around them is….”

“Painful” She cuts me off and opens her eyes.

I could kiss her right now, but I won’t. It has to be her and she knows this.  Either way, I try to give her hints. My eyes are glued to her lips right now, and I moisten my lips with my tongue, trying to give her the tiniest little push, but she won’t budge. And I know that if I keep sitting here, staring at her, then I’m going to kiss her, so I pull away.

“So,” I say, hopping up and walking across the room to my closet, “The lust thing is more like what me and Carmen have. And the loooooove thing is like you and Aiden, I guess.”

She looks like she’s going to cry again, and it breaks my heart. She’s just sitting there, staring at the floor.

“Ashley?” she mutters.

“Yeah?”

“It’s not like that… I mean, I don’t…..” she trails off.

I walk across my room and kneel down in front of her, placing my hands on her legs.  “You’re mumbling, and you know that even I’m not completely fluent in Spencer Carlin gibberish,” I joke, trying to get a smile out of her.  But instead she just looks at me, locking her eyes with mine.

“I don’t love him,” She says softly.

“I know Spence,” I whisper.

And then she inches forward, only a little bit. She stops to look at me and she moves some hair behind my ear, leaving her hand on my cheek. I can’t help but lean into her touch. Then she closes her eyes and

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Instantly her eyes snap open and her hand leaves my face.  “That’s Carmen,” she says.

“Spencer, I….” I start to say, but she cuts me off.

“You should go. I’ll be here when you get home.” And then she’s back to normal Spencer. “But, who knows, I might not have a face. After all, I am hanging out with the caveman.”

“Ha Ha Ha. Very funny Spence. Alright, I’ll see you later, but don’t wait up.” I turn around and wink at her before walking out the door.

TBC