Yesterday, I thought that I had no more tears left in me but I suddenly found my eyes swimming in them. I tried to be angry with him for taking away the only proof I had that I wasn’t living in a fairy tale these past few years but I couldn’t. I knew that I could never get angry at him– even now when he left me feeling alone, vulnerable and most of all stupid… stupid for believing someone like him would want and love a normal, imperfect person like me.

Renee arrived that evening but I was already asleep… pretending to be asleep.

The fourth day, Renee and I talked. We talked like never before.

“Your life doesn’t revolve around him. It’s time to move on.” She told me.

She was right in saying my life doesn’t revolve because he was my life. When he left, he took me with him… the part that made me work, that made me Bella. But she was also right in saying I had to move on. But I was afraid– I was afraid to let go of the only thing that kept me living: Edward. As long as I knew Edward continued existing, I would continue living. Livingin the sense that I would be breathing and moving, not necessarily doing anything of cosequence. But I had to try. For Charlie, for Renee, for myself… for Edward.

The fifth day, I allowed myself to cry one last time and think of all the memories of the moments we had together. The sixth day, I set up walls around my heart, willing it to think of Edward for a last time and store him in a deep part of myself and never ever forget… but at the same time move on. On the seventh day, I escaped from my solitude. I went out of my room knowing that I would never be able to move on if I lock myself in my room filled with thoughts of him. I did my normal day-to-day activities but I was empty. A shell. I wasn’t really Bella; I was just walking and sometimes talking inside her body. But I was trying my best to live the normal life Edward once said he wanted for me. Charlie saw my effort, I could tell. But I could still see the pain in his eyes because of my emptiness. He knew I was lost, I knew that too. But what I didn’t know was that someone was going to try to find me… and I wouldn’t like who it was at all.