Part 13

The escape

On the next morning the rain clouds were finally flown and the sun gave themselves trouble, with all strength, which had them to illuminate the day. Were some very calm days in the gallery, so that I could enjoy most time after the work on my small terrace. I felt, how I up-sucked each sunbeam into me. How in a filling station with which the tank of the car almost already seemed to have dried up. Yes, that was I to see unable drained, to feel unable. I thought, if I locked only all too much, would be it the correct punishment, which I earned for what I had done my family. If I locked only sufficient, I would only feel the pain and my debt. Humans, who had pain-done humans, whom he loved, so much, had not earned it to feel something else as debt. Jesus, which for a self lie, clearly, as long as I felt debt, I did not have to argue with all the other feelings, and to few with me. ‚And you wanted that not, bed, not truly. You wanted not to analyze itself, wanted not further to go, did not want not to recognize that you only hid yourself. Jazzy alibi!' and it functioned nevertheless the last years. As I could believe also only one instant long that ignorance and self task were an appropriate punishment. Had I put on it really on it, to disappear to disappear in the time, in the space, from the past and, in the end, and, finally, from the future? The meeting with Marina made more than clear for me that I had not disappeared, and above all that it would also never function.

Now it became time to take my life into the hand. But where I want? What is the goal? Which way does want and can I to go?

I met with Marina on Saturday evening in „the The Pink Door “, a small, very cosy restaurant in Pike Place Market. It was famous for its outstanding European kitchen, its nice operation and the unimpaired, calm atmosphere. Most importantly however it was that „The Pink Door had “expanded external area, because nothing was appropriate for me furthermore to sit as in a small, half-light corner of a restaurant suffocating of the smoked ambience and the noise of murmuring guests. No, „The Pink Door “was generously, airy and nearly already a little intimate exactly the correct, it was the perfect place, in order to talk and… and old persons process about its new life.