But even if I am ready to write you the truth what around everything in the world is the truth? As ridiculously all this sounds, as ridiculous I became, like ridiculously my whole its, mine its without you. Would you understand it, if I would say to you that I repent it deeply, which happened that I would undo it, if I had power in addition? I love you so inexpressibly, I said once. Nobody said you ever thus to love to be able as I, I. I placed our love on a landing, highly over the clouds, have I said, so highly and surely that nobody can reach it, so highly that nobody is able to destroy it. You are my queen, my everything, you are my life. This is the dear history of my life, I to you once said. I painfully only begin to understand, how much I mean love loved. Over all this, surveyed, ignored I forgot you and in most difficult all instants selected I the lightest way, the way, to away-run from you and my large escape begin. But enough that, because the truth is not, Tina: I am still on the escape. That must stop, it time will stop to go time, to hold one instant to stay around then a new way. Now, I do not imagine myself that my way could lead back to you, like also. But I hope, I wish myself that I could be a small part of your life also in the future. I love you still. I know that is for you to hardly believe, but I have never stopped loving you. I was a coward, am away-coagulated before my own courage. I, the great bed Porter, as small and tiny nevertheless it is. So long I dissolved in self compassion and still occasionally much too often purge I to that.

I would talk so gladly with you. Not only here, with me only, not with foreign women on the Internet or with old common friends, no. With you, with you alone, perhaps when eating in our favourite Italian or first perhaps times at the telephone. Do you mean we do this? Do you mean it would function also after so long time? Oh Tina, if you could nevertheless only answer me, if you would give me nevertheless only one indication. Again times I expect the security, which I tried to radiate allegedly from you, as long as we together were. The truth, which is truth that you were it, you was the strong one of us, you has me held, you gave me Kraft, if I were weak, you gave our relationship the foundation. You were that on whose iron columns I rested yourself, against which I leaned, and which me let be safe to never fall. You would have left never me loose, but I had cut and had the gang inevitably to fall. In my blind stubbornness, in my career craze and on the search for the acknowledgment of my father I did not want to see all this. But I begin now to understand to understand. Believe me, Tina, I understood. No, there is no word of the apology, no argument. Everything that gives it is, if at all, then assigning. Therefore I would like to ask you, what always you also say or do today. I ask you from deepest heart for assigning for all what I did you.

Slowly I close the eyes and, actually now can I her also hold.

Please assign to me, Tina.