“For ever and ever.”

As long as is the eternity?

"I love you so incredibly." if you have said.

"I want a family with you." if you have said.

"I want to become old with you." if you have said.

"I promise to you never to hurt yourself." if you have said.

"I will carry our love on hands to high over the clouds, will treat them like an unborn child, will protect them and defend with all what I have." … and also this you have said.

All miraculous sentences blow up in the space, disappeared at this short, endless moment in this of your hand. I thought, our respect, our love, our future would be a castle, built from the biggest stones which there are in the world, built from the hardest material which can create love to stand firm built, in order to all influence, storms, temptations, storms, all big and small disasters and now … it breaks down, like a map house, a draught only, a breath output long, this had reached to let collapse it. I felt how this hand seemed to take from me the life, my life, our life and that of our ingenerated child. I wanted to run away, wanted to shout, wanted to be furious, but I did nothing. I could stand only there and saw over and over again your hand, how in slow motion in an endless loop with the subtitle: "Why?"

Only when I was at home, became conscious by me that it could not go on thus. Have I not noted the creeping decay of our respect if there was him then generally or was I only ignorant? At first I wanted to injure you, so much as you have injured me. Then I wanted to take up you, completely for myself only, you in myself for ever and ever and I felt how caught I was, caught in my own love and my pain. To do the right thing, to say to feel, but what was languid the right thing, so many thoughts, so many words and even more feelings and everything fallow all at once from me, was unstirred, aimlessly … in such a way, as well as the sentence: I hate you! I never wanted to hurt you and, nevertheless, at this one moment I felt as weak as never before, like by remote control, it simply happened and I could not detain it. When I to me came it was as if I had awoken from a terribly nightmare, I could not understand it what happened there and I saw in your eyes, your so endlessly sad eyes which said with a begging look: I'm so sorry, please, forgive me! There I knew that it was no nightmare, it was as real as the look in a mirror and what always you also do, how much you also exert yourself, it is always the same face which you see if you look in the mirror. Then you reach for it and drop him to ground. And if you look down because your action suddenly becomes conscious by you, you see in the thousands of small reflecting shards which reflect all same face again and again your face. And at this moment everything becomes much more real still. It is so real, can simply be as cruelly really as the life, and thus really like it might never have been, however, NEVER!