For a jock, he was able to articulate his argument and my arrogance wouldn’t allow me to converse with somebody smarter than me. I wanted to behave immature and childish but deep down inside I knew he was right so I sighed in defeat as a response. “It just hurts a girl when a guy can’t man up and display his emotions. If you guys weren’t so jacked up on testosterone, you’d understand that being emotional isn’t a goddamn weakness!” Carmen told him through gritted teeth. My head jerked up as soon as I heard her tell Aiden off.  “Clay and Spencer are close, man! If I had a brother who could be as honest as Clay and suddenly shut me out like I’m a piece of shit, I would be pissed off too.” Wow, she was throwing herself under the bus just so I wouldn’t be alone on the wrong side of the argument. I truly admire Carmen as I could already tell she was truly loyal to her friends, even if they were behaving irrationally. “Hm, maybe Aiden’s right. Spencer could be overreacting to something she perceives as evil when it can all just be temporary behavior. Men tend to be unpredictable sometimes so it’s better to play it safe than assume something will always be wrong.” Madison defended her boyfriend using careful words. I realized why I openly preferred Carmen’s company(and there are alternative theories to discuss as well); she is so incredibly straight forward, you cringe a little when she points out all your flaws. Carmen immediately stood up from where she sat and pulled me up as well. “If you decide to stop being a bitch, you know where to find us.” she angrily spat out as we stormed out of the cafeteria knowing fully well that we both made ourselves look like jackasses. 

We didn’t stop running until we made it all the way to the parking lot behind the school. She was fuming and I had never seen her this way before, so I didn’t want to say anything that would provoke her to lash out on me. Instead, she took a couple of deep breaths and turned to look me straight in the eye with her hands on her hips, giving her that beautiful but pissed off housewife appeal. “Look I know how you’re feeling because I grew up in a very dysfunctional household but don’t make a big deal out of nothing ever again, okay? If your family life gets worse, then Madison and Aiden are wrong. Just don’t bitch about it like your problems are the only ones that matter!” She yelled, clear annoyance written in her contorted facial expression. My fear of her must have shown because Carmen took a step forward with regretful concern in her frown. Stepping backwards was an automatic response and without going too far, she reached out and pulled me into an embrace. My sensitive nature revealed itself to her as I began crying into her arms. “I-I’m sorry! I just…I just don’t want to see my family fall apart again!” I admitted, muffling my hysterical cries by biting her unfortunate shoulder. Carmen held onto me more tightly as she heard the last sentence. While we were in the process of getting to know each other my first week of school, I had already informed her of my parents’ separation and how much it affected me personally. We got along even better since we both had a few things in common; she was living with her real dad and girlfriend, had two older sisters who were in college, and a mom that was so out of touch with reality, she couldn’t get over the divorce. After a long, awkward silence, we finally pulled away from each other and I started wiping away at my tears with my sleeve before she stopped me. Carmen offered her fingers to gently lift off each tear and smiled at me warmly as she simply cupped my chin. I could feel my face reddening with the intensity of her stare and she could see the effect she had on me since she lightly giggled. “You know what would make you feel better, Spencer?” She asked, withdrawing her arm away from my body. Returning to my usual self, I replied, “A double-date with Ben & Jerry?” She laughed and shook her head politely. “No…well, we can go out for ice cream but there’s something else I want to ask you. Would you be my date for the homecoming dance?” Time froze as soon as she mentioned the word ‘date’.

Never in my whole life did I understand the meaning of it until I met Carmen Vega. No guy had ever shown interest in me before but this wonderful girl who had me hypnotized underneath her powerful spell wanted me, Spencer Carlin, to be her date for homecoming. There had to be something else other than obvious inexplicable attraction that forced any resistance to subside into nothingness. I couldn’t come up with an alternative theory as I mentioned to myself earlier so all I could do was honestly reply to her; “Yes! I would love to be your date for the dance, Carmen!” Even though we were friends, there was something else that made me want her like a girl would normally want a guy. God, it was shitty timing to be questioning my sexuality while there was unfinished business at home to deal with first. Well, all I could do was hope that my family was just as open-minded as they claimed they were because if not, I’d have nobody but Carmen to understand me. Hopefully she will feel the same way; I don’t want this to turn out to be an unrequited attraction thing. Maybe I’m rushing myself into the Gay/Bisexual/Lesbian/Transgender/Questioning community too quickly. What if I’m wrong about everything and she rejects me once she knows how I feel? It could be the biggest mistake I make if I get comfortable with these new feelings. Ugh. My life is quickly unfolding before my eyes and I don’t even know what I’m doing!  Everything is happening so fast, it makes me wonder if there’s someone else suffering the same way I am.