“Ashley…”

And now everything was different. Everything was clear. I was both sober and awake and reveling in the sensation of Spencer’s hands on my stomach. She traced an invisible line across my lower torso, back and forth, over and over.

“Did you have fun tonight?” she asked, somehow expecting me to speak.

Speak.

“I guess.”

“You guess?”

Take a chance, Ashley. Put yourself out there. Blame it on the booze if you get shot down.

“It would’ve been a lot more fun if you had stayed.”

“Stayed and watched you flirt with my ex?”

“Spencer…”

“No, no…it’s fine. I mean, do you like her? Is this like, the one?”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “No, definitely not.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing’s wrong with her. She’s really cool.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Spence, I don’t know! She’s cool, I like her, but I’m not looking to have kids with the girl, ok?”

“But you like her.”

“I meet people that I like all the time.”

“Girls?”

“Sometimes.”

Spencer’s fingers were no longer moving across my stomach, but were nervously fingering a hole in her flannel sheets.

“How many girls have you been with?”

“Really? Like, this is where you want to take this right now?”

“I’m just curious.”

“Not many.”

“How many?”

“A few.”

“How many is a few?”

“More than a couple.”

“I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Just answer the question.”

“First, I need to know why it matters so much to you,” I said, taking a deep breath.

The truth was coming. It was heavy and it was inevitable.

Spencer sighed, “You know why.”

And I did. Of course I did.

“I need you to say it, though.”

“Why? What difference does it make?”

“It’s all part of the fall, Spence. But you have to take the first step, you know?”

She smiled, still illuminated, still nervous, still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

“This is crazy, Ashley. I mean, we’ve known each other for what? Less than a week?”

“It happens,” I said, reaching for her hand and wondering where all my profoundness had gone, “now say it.”

“Fine. Ok. Here I go…”

“I’m ready.”

“Ash, I think…I think I’m sort of falling for you.”

 “Sort of? You’re ‘sort of’ falling for me?”

“Yeah, a little bit…” she said, biting her bottom lip. It wasn’t meant to be seductive or even cute but just because it was Spencer it was both of those things.

“How do you feel about me sort of kissing you?”

She said nothing, simply toppled the remainder of my walls with her stare. I moved closer and closer until our lips were mere centimeters apart. Centimeters that meant nothing to Spencer and I. We had managed to defy the difficulty of distance once already. We’d do it again.

I kissed her once, lightly, before pulling back.

“What was that?” she asked, eyes opening.

“That was sort of a kiss.”

I didn’t wait for her response. It would all just lead to the same thing. Twenty possible paths to the same unrealistic wonderland.

Before we knew it, our lips met again. I think it was my own doing, but it didn’t matter. It was happening. Her tongue suggested she wanted in and since I’m human and falling hard, I allowed its entrance. One kiss became what felt like thousands, all in glorious succession. But there was something else. I wanted more.

“Spencer…” I said, finally breaking the contact.

“This so better be important.”

“Lie down. I want to do something.”