Spencer:

The six-hour drive from my glorious San Francisco loft all the way down I-5 was just what I needed to clear my head. Of course Chelsea was talking a mile a minute, but after four years of living with her in our 3X5 college dorm, I was highly trained in tuning her out. Not that I was a bad friend. It’s just that Chelsea is convinced that when something is bothering us, it’s important to talk. So that’s what she did. She was talking for the both of us, attempting to drown out the trumpeting of the elephant in the car.

I had never been dumped. Not even by the teenaged boys I kept on a twelve-foot leash in college. You know, the ones that I let nowhere near my vagina as a means to prevent unplanned pregnancy. Well, there was one more reason I suppose…

I’m a raging dyke.

So now I joined the elite ranks of women everywhere mending a broken heart, listening to terribly sappy IPOD playlists and jumping every time my cell phone rings.

It’s never, ever her.

But one day it will be. One day—when I’ve moved on to bigger and more deserving things—she’s going to regret the day she walked out on Spencer Carlin.

“A penny for your thoughts, Spence,” Chelsea said, grinning like the maniac she was.

I loved her for it. Most of the time.

“You can’t afford me then.”

“Girl, listen. You need to either talk about what’s going on with you or talk about what’s going on with you. Those are your two options.”

“I don’t like those.”

“Then I’m pulling over and you’re walking your ass back home. Sorry, I forgot to mention that option before.”

“I don’t like that one very much either.”

“Then talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I think it’s pretty obvious, Chelsea. Do you remember a few days ago when I was engaged?”

“Yeah.”

“Really? Great. Well in case you’ve forgotten, I’m not anymore.”

“All this over Carmen?”

“We were getting married!” I yelled, throwing my hands up.

“You didn’t even like her that much.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, “Yes I did, thank you very much!”

“I’ve known you a long time, Spencer. And let me tell you something, you were not into that girl. She just fit nicely in your little…your little…Day Planner.”