She sits silently in agony, under her willow tree; she found this place a long time ago.  It serves her purposes for privacy when she has to hide from those who care about her.  Tonight, she definitely needs to hide.  Agony, pain, loss..for her none of these words are new in her vocabulary.  *****, how could they be?  She is the Slayer.  Everything she does helps to end these words for others, but it only seems to compound them in her own life.  Agony has become her favorite of late.  Here, under her willow tree, she doesn’t have to hide it and now she can’t hide it from her friends either.  They know her agony now.  It was laid before them in song. They didn’t need to know the pain she suffers, but they do now.  They didn’t need to see her inner anguish over being torn from what she believes was heaven.  They didn’t know…didn’t know she was at peace, no worries, that she was absolutely loved.  What could they do about it now?  Nothing..just like her…nothing but suffer and wasn’t her suffering supposed to be enough?  Isn’t that the way it always was…The Slayer suffers so that others do not have to?  Well, apparently not this time and she had to run from their guilty, pity filled faces.  She could not stand there and see them that way.  Suddenly, here she is from heaven into her own life again only this time it really felt like ***** not just unfair, but like *****.  How could she tell them that?  She couldn’t, but she could se it on all their faces.  Well, except Willow’s, she avoids her now.  She always finds a way to be out of her way…out of her life and yet still there on the outskirts.  To her, the most heart wrenching part of being pulled from her paradise was knowing who had called her back.  It was the one she loves above all others.  How is she supposed to deal with that?  Not that she is being given the chance to anyway.  To forget…if only she could forget.

Forgetting…she kissed Spike in an attempt to forget and a chance to dive into something else to put her hate and anger there.  How ***** ignorant had that been?  Can we say VERY?  I knew we could.  Now, she lets herself feel very little in an attempt to not hurt so much, but she notices everything around her.  Willow avoids her like she is some demon spawn either out of fear of her anger, guilt or both.  Tara left Willow and all she knows about that is that it was over magic misuse or something like that, because Willow won’t tell her.  Giles has left again.  Dawn..well she is just Dawn…happy to have her sister back, but sad they didn’t know she was at peace.  The rest of the Scoobs all walk on eggshells around her.  Spike keeps trying to win her love.  What a joke.  Then, the dancing, singing demon…if it wasn’t for that little bit of excitement none of this would be happening.  She could have kept right on suffering alone as it has always been and should be.  All she wants to do is die again.