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Constant thoughts race through my mind everyday. Like, “Who am I”, “What’s my purpose here”, “Why am I alive”, “Why am I who I am”? Everyday one or all of these are thought of. And you know what? I can’t answer any of them. Not one! And it hurts, because I’m 16 and I don’t know who I am, or what I want to do with my life.

See, Spencer had her whole life laid out right in front of her. She had Aiden, the so-called perfect guy, she had all the prep and jock friends, and she had the main love and purpose of her life… Dance. She’s been dancing since about 3? Something like that. But then a whole bunch of twists and turns happened and she basically lost it all. And I mean ALL.

It started out last summer when she and Aiden were together. Turns out that one night he was at his house and his sister had some friends over. One of her friends ended up making out with Aiden. No one knows for sure if they went farther than that. But still, it killed Spencer. After it happened, Aiden went to Mrs. Carlin and told her everything and she was the one that told Aiden to break it off with Spencer. You know… I don’t even think Spencer knows that her mom was the one to basically stop their relationship. I won’t ever bring it up because she doesn’t know that her mom told me.

But anyways… after she and Aiden broke up, he stopped going to King High and transferred to graduate early so he could join the army… yeah, never happened. So when school started again, she was pretty miserable. Everyone knew what happened and would always give Aiden death glares, which was part of the reason he ended up transferring. Spencer hated it. She felt like everyone knew this secret part of her life and she doesn’t really like being an open book to a lot of people.

Eventually, Spencer got really depressed and just started dancing more and more. Her grades were slipping and she was losing some friends. One day, she ended up spraining her back in dance. Her dream and life just blew up right in her face. Even now, almost a year later, she’s still not dancing like she used to. It kills her and it kills me because I can’t do anything to help her.

We’ve tried talking about our futures… but she still doesn’t know what she wants because she had what she wanted and just lost it. I’ve never really had that. I mean, I like a lot of different things. If I could I would pursue a career in music, but I don’t pay much attention to it that much anymore. To be honest… I just want to leave this place. There are too many memories here that I don’t really want to remember. And after this summer… I’ll be surprised if I have many friends left, but that’s a story for next time.