“Ashley, I need you. You are my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re not just my best friend though. I trust you mind, body, and soul. I’m giving you my heart, Ashley. I trust you with it. It is yours to keep and hold. I’m giving my all to you. I love you.”

            “Spence? You love me?” Tears are hanging by a thread at the edge of her brown eyes that have a lighter shade to them now. I see the love she has for me there. I hope it’s not just a friend love. I also see the fear she has that she tries to hide. I grab one of her hands and put it over my heart.

            “Do you feel that Ash?” She nods as she feels my heart beat. ”It only beats like this for you. You are the only one who makes my heart beat slower and faster at the same time.”

            “You might want to see a doctor about that.” That’s my Ashley, always making a joke in a serious moment. We both smile at her comment. The first tear falls from my eyes. Ashley quickly wipes it away. “Spence don’t cry. I was just kidding. You don’t have to see a doctor.”

            “No, Ash. I’m crying because I’m happy. You make me happier than I have ever been in my life.” I look into her eyes, blue meeting brown and mixing. I just stare mesmerized by her beauty. Then I see it, the panic. Wait. No. Don’t let that take over. She looks away from me and hangs her head low. I reach towards her and pull her face up to look at me. I see the panic in her eyes. I try to pull her close to me but when I look at her eyes again I see the walls go back up. “Ash, please, let me in. Talk to me, tell me how you feel.”

            “You can’t love me Spencer. I’m no good. You need someone better, someone who hasn’t screwed up everything in their lives. I’m not even an adult yet and I’ve experienced more things than most adults have. I’m not good enough for you Spence. Do what’s best for you and forget about me and find someone who deserves you.” At that moment I see Ashley start to break right in front of me. How can she think that she doesn’t deserve to be loved? Now the tears start flowing freely from both of us.