I’m running for my life right now and I’m not entirely sure why, I know Kyla would have listened if I had just said stop, but I guess I just feel kind of dirty or something. God why did I run, I don’t even know where to run to.

“Hey Spence where ya going?” I stop abruptly because seriously who around here knows my name, but once I glance over my shoulder I spot Carmen and feel a bit relieved.

“Hey Carmen, what are you doing?” a pleasant little conversation is sure to keep my mind off things isn’t it? I sure hope so.

“Nothing really just closing up shop then I’m headed out,” she pauses and rubs the back of her neck, I can tell she’s nervous about something. “Hey Spence, would you um- well, would you like to come out with me? I mean if my gaydar is off then I’m totally sorry.”

“Uh- actually, that would be kinda nice but I’m sorta in my jimmies and um, I think it’s best I don’t go up there right now because me and Kyla sorta need a break.” I wince a bit when I mention Kyla but mostly because I feel bad.

“We could always grab a drink at my place?” she asks and I just nod my head. If only I had went back up to Kyla that night. It’s been about four months since then and I’ve been occupying most my time hanging out with Carmen. Kyla and I don’t talk as much but she says she is sorry that things escalated like they did. Anyways back to my current situation. I’m staying over at Carmen’s, no we didn’t sleep together because seriously that is never going to happen, I can’t really sleep though so I’m just laying awake and thinking about the past. I really shouldn’t be since it usually leads to thinking about Ashley, yep there I go. It’s been fucking seven months or so and I still can’t handle thinking about her without feeling like my chest is being torn to shreds, I can’t help but shift a bit. Which causes Carmen’s head to slip off my shoulder.

“Jesus Spence why did you wake me up?” great she’s awake. Okay lets clear some air, Carmen has it in her head that I like belong to her and it turns out she isn’t as nice as she had seemed to be. Why do I still hang out with her you may ask, it’s simple really. She keeps me busy, keeps my mind off things.